Yipee I can be a nerd about linux again.

And I finally have an "adult" type of job.

YEAHH I'M FINALLY OUT OF FOOD SERVICE. I'll talk about it in my now VERY late monthly blog but other than that it's very boring professional data entry in car rentals and there is a shit ton of down time since it's in an airport in my small ass town.

So it's pretty much limited to business people. and Military. and cause of that I do need a means of doing more productive things than just being on my phone at work. so I had to get another laptop.

cause my last laptop just died on me. and it has had problems for a long time before that. 

And I'm a cheap bastard that cant part from 500-800 dollars for a decent laptop

I went down to the pawn and peeped out some laptops and actually had a nice chat with the computer tech about linux. I had told him what I was planning on doing and pointed me twords the business focused laptops.

I peeped out an old Acer Aspire. it's from 2017 and just like other budget laptops... it majorly struggles with windows 11 so there's no point in dual booting. so I'm just doing what I know which is Ubuntu with XFCE WM. with Wine and Proton on Steam this could do all I would really need. plus this thing has a whole freaking terabyte.......

But it's a disk drive. so that kinda explained why installing Ubuntu took like a solid hour. i just thought it was a cpu or overheating issue. 

the Cpu is for sure not a problem for me. since my fav part of linux is making lower spec tech more capable. this runs my typa games perfectly. my typa games being old PC games. but since I now have a full terabyte to play around with I could finally start thinking about more beefy games. or.... a shit ton more songs on Etterna.

Love Marks.

 I Love him so much!! he's my new OC!!

*click to View* 

 Kissies all over!!!(THiS IS GONNA GET SUPER SLUTTY)  

I've said I love marks from kisses or bites soooo.... I covered Sid in them. Speaking of sid. he's my new OC! He's the sub of his dominant girlfriend. he's got piercings facial hair and all the punk stuff. but turns to a massive bottom for his girlfriend. I don't have any ideas for what she could look like but she will certainly be taller than him.

Cuz I love tall girls duh. and about the drawing GAHHHH HE'S SUCH A PRETTY LITTLE SLUT.

Him and his little leather sleeves and big thick collar. lip marks all over and around his cute quivering... er member.... I love when men are kissed all over and bitten all over. He's for sure getting bound up in the next drawing. and maybe his girlfriend will show up. she will certainly be a mistress. he's such a slut for that red lipstick. and he's a real overstimulated mess when he's all tied up. 

Keep your cute nerd boys on a short leash.

 If you thought me drawing naked girls was self indulgent. Oh you poor summer child.. 

 *Very Naughty on this one* 

Hehehe I love pathetic Nerdy boyssss~~~~

That silky hair and cute pouty lips. and somehow they just have such pretty lashes. I love nerds too cause they stumble all over themselves in the most adorable ways. you can see everything they are thinking. if their heavy breathing and stuttering won't tell it. seeing their face and ears flushed with red would certainly tell you.

 Such a pretty boy. Especially with those glossy begging eyes 

 an overstimulated bottom with glossy teary eyes is so cute to see.  WITH the proper aftercare too... I love seeing the physical effects and marks. His Shirt collar stretch to bite up on his neck. a mix of bruised skin and lipstick. Lips stick that also lingers on his lips. I woulda made his hair more messy but I wanted to make it more soft F Dom. 

 I'm Starting to like drawing my bottoms more masculine..... 

Hehe. WOAH. I actually caught myself making the same joke. but instead of a collar its a tee shirt. It's kinda like veggies once you get older you appreciate it more. cuz starting out I really only drew "Femboys" But now I find leg hair tummy fuzz and facial hair super cute. Idk why. I guess femboys were not boyish enough for me.

GAWD just cute fluffy short hair and big eyebrows and big stupid looking eyes... fuck I'm getting too gay... But uh yeah.... I'm gonna keep this stuff up soo.... expect worse from me. It's gonna get very naughty. I'm sorry :3  c

COMMISSIONS OPEN.

 High Quality Scans Available! 

Prices 

Portrait - 30$

Half Torso - 40$

Full Character - 50$

Multiple characters. +20 per character.

(Backgrounds/ Environments Included)   

 I DO 

NSFW, Furry Anthro, Characters, Conceptual Art, Graphics, Commercial Designs.

 I DO NOT 

lolicon to ANY DEGREE, Gore, Extreme Fetishes, Detailed Mecha and vehicles, Political Art or any dog whistles.  

Payable to Both Cashapp and PayPal

 

 

My Portfolio.  

Changing my Art Syle for GENERAL AUDIENCES.

 One Thing has been pretty persistent in western media. 

 WHY IS THE CONCEPT ART ALWAYS SO BEAUTIFUL. 

So many times I see concept art for movies and shows from huge companies and see the real vision directly from the artist. One very close to my heart being the concept art for at the time. sponge boy. so much personality and color and so lively. not saying spongebobs ending art style is bland in any meaning but to see the roots of the show spread so far it's a real shame to see what it could have been. 

 Its very clear when you see Disney movies 

Given that Disney will never tap back into their traditional animation roots. I don't think any of their movies could reach the standards set by the concept artists. There's a couple designs for Elsa but all of them show her personality far better than her end design. someone isolated and even shunned by her own peers it is shown way better in her earlier designs. I know she's not the "real" villain but goddamn that would be cool to see her like that.

 Why Should I give a shit??? 

Sheesh just another artist mad at the lack of artistic integrity. just as Disney counts another BILLION in profits from frozen merch. Y'know what? why should I be mad? Disney laid out the keys to success right here!. why pick things like detailed and nuanced art direction? genuine emotion? pffftt I think it's time some things change around here.

 I got my work cut out for me 

*Talent Manager Voice* Geez what even is this rendering style? Crosshatching? This aint the 70s and you aren't robby Crumb. Go ahead and clean up your act too. look at those lines! is this still a first draft?

 

She looks a bit too scary too. you might get some demon accusations with those teeth so lets just not with that. Can we lower that skirt too? seeing a bit too much there. that nose... you are still drawing noses on female characters? pfft that's so 2006 of you.

 Alright Let Me Level With You 

Alright Let's start from the first critique. Crosshatching can seem a bit garish especially from an artist like me that does not do realism. so I'll switch to Cell shading which is very welcoming to the cartoon like style. Like my talent manager said Robert crumb is kinda outta style and other comic book like artists.

 

My line work can also be kinda aggressive and sloppy at times. people don't like that. I reckon a brush pen ought to work better for me. this delivers a far cleaner line. also with line variability.

 

My drawing subjects certainly have to change. I often pick rather erotic or offensive subjects. considering my 3 last drawings were. Zach hill of death grips, A parody of a nazi symbol and a woman with uhhhhhh.... out of fashion glasses. I really have to clean up my subjects.

 Eh draw like one of those Leh boobahs? Idk My Daughta
loves them 

 I ended up more in the alt space to be honest. still a super super general style. I took inspiration from the sudden uptick in small trinkets. either sonny angels or of course labubus. With these being so collectable and sort of a dime a dozen people prefer for it to be super experimental.

 

Alt is very main stream now and there's tons of people cashing in right now. and shockingly sanrio is a huge name in the alt scene. so cause of that I made the character a small lil animal creature. Who hates animals?? This is just a super super base model of how a metal kid would dress. so scene kids slamcore kids and metal core auto zone managers love it.

 

At some point at this project I even thought about putting the original drawing through Ai Since I know Ai would make it insanely boring. but having grok dump another barrel of oil directly on a baby polar bear to make a shit tinged bot-washed drawing would just suck.

 

 Does having "basic" taste really make you a boring person?  

I know it seems that I absolutely hate commercial artist and those who entertain and partake in that. and alot of Alt people certainly hate more mainstream acts and things like Sleeptoken and... pretty much anything from hottopic. but like... These things are still supporting artists. I really can't hate when Hottopic hosts products from very creative brands like Guild Of Calamity and Snouleaf.

It does remind me of one of my favorite artists schlong johnson on instagram having some of his professional work being with disney junior shows... and so it loops back around. Should I really hate disney for making such boiler plate garbage.... they really do have to make a return to support these extremely creative and dedicated artists.

I know fellow artists would certainly love to see huge studios support weird and underground artist. or maybe the complete opposite when your fav music act finally catches their big break out and suddenly they are not cool anymore. Just support what you love. I know it's hard when your face to face with a super kitch hottopic tee. Stay Creative. Keep Creating. 

  

  b

Zach Hill - Portrait Study.

My Stupid Middle school self listened to death grips. 

 Now I'm Gay and artistically inept.  

First coming upon death grips was huge as a kid. Listening to guillotine was just extreme to a degree i never understood so well. later listening to the money store and powers that B was just life changing for my art direction. Any of those who have seen or heard the group in any aspect knows they are unlike anything else. even those who fans consider the successors of the death grips style still fall short in some ways. no beef to peggy. 

 

So Brutalist. It's sonic abuse. consider tracks like turned off where the song begins with a sulking ominous guitar droning and riffing. immediately smashing into a gritty distorted bass side chained allowing zach hills buck shot like percussion to sneak in with snare hits and Hi Hat catches. as the song starts with MC Ride rushing the bar "I'm Smoking Cigarettes in the shower when they get wet I just smoke another one". 

 It's Like The anger and Brutality of a Junkie was injected into a HP Desktop Tower 

But the Death Grips fandom is a bunch of fucking losers so lets talk about the real chad. Zach Hill. Percussionist for death grips. Zach's Solo projects and ongoing projects far out weigh both of his band mates. I am biased as a drummer of course I love zach. Especially His Astrological straits album. solo project from him it just shows all of his chops in a far more creative sounding production rather than death grips where production is far more gritty.

 The only thing holding it together is motifs formed by percussive like Composition 

Despite how technically proficient zach is he still steps out of time in order to fill space or deliver drum fills. It's pretty obvious zach does not play to a click and it just changed so much for me in the sense of timing and signature. this all culminates in the end with necromancer. a 30 min track with nothing but drums and piano. both being mashed and played at full energy for those 30 min. it almost seems like performance art. but for how skilled zach is. it almost acends that label into something far more special.

 

 

     

 

I BE ON MY FOOTWORK SHIT

 I wish Texas had more claims to techno genres.

Coming From Chi city. Footwork has to be one of my fav techno genres. and not even just genre but dance scene also. Chicago and those larger cities have tons of claims twords electronic based dance music. like Louisiana has Bounce music. Texas does Have DJ Screw tho so we got that. and Florida has femtynal, I know that's not a genre but I'm still jealous of Florida 

it really is the most fitting genre for the dance style.

to be fair the dance came first. from dance battle teams wanting to make the DJ play faster and faster until footwork came out of that.

Using Drum machines and various instrumental samples this is the basis of footwork. it has spread to international producers like satanicpornocultshop and Sven K. Sven K I recommend especially for their album Paranoia Aspect that goes into the sub genre of Jungle/Drum n bass Footwork. I really recommend for fans of both genres 

I Love the composition in this 

The action in this is really cool. especially buddy over on the right. Footwork has some crossovers with Hakken (gabber and rave dance) it's a very very energetic and dynamic dance. so getting dynamic poses out of this was super easy. they are dancing as a duo but after checking some videos it seems to me Footwork is more exclusive to dance battles rather than Hakken or Jumpstyle which are often a group effort. footwork is like someone doing the actions of a whole dance group so it makes sense as to why it is mainly a solo effort.

The Totenkitten.

 I've had quite the interest in hate symbols recently.

Small icons, Flags and even numbers that show a persons dedication to bigotry. Gangs and groups that have committed actual crimes. its the actions of these horrid people that give these simple logos such deadly implications. 

This recent photo from a pizza shop in jersey is certainly something.

In the photo is 2 SS symbols. a confederate flag. and worst of all several stickers that are just trump.

This just goes to show the symbols one limited to hate groups and extremist are becoming normalized. and there is tons of people that just do not know these symbols. and as i said before the origin and groups that have used the SS symbols are genuinely evil.   

one symbol in particular is the Totenkopf. meaning dead persons head the Totenkopf was used thru out several divisions of the nazi army. 

So naturally I decided to make it a hello kitty skull. Like i give a fuck about respecting the design I made it into something not very threatening at all. It's like those ACAB stickers with Sanrio characters on them. I think its different due to the fact that it is a far more extreme group than liberals.

I also made this cause I do think there could be an indirect chance that this could be used by actual racists. Groups like this are an actual parasite when it comes to what they associate with. example being Pepe the frog, the Mc donalds moon man, and even celebrities like Sidney Sweeny with her recent jeans ad.

As a former Alt-Right Member I know half of the message is sent with humor. and that's what it's also supposed to represent. It may seem like a joke but if you enable it enough it can genuinely change minds through subtle nods and reinforced caricatures of people. This has gotten worse and worse as algorithms continue to benefit from the very loyal audience radicalist pundits form from their message. This is for both sides. for every Nick fuentes viewer with 8 hours of screen time theres another vaush brain drain watching just as much. while those who platform both. benefit greatly.

We Could debate all day about the morality of me forming a hate symbol into a cartoon kitten but I think there's better things to do. better things to do other than typing and reading meaningless things. left or right... if you have an issue with this. please comment about it. best slur will get pinned. 

Sleep is For Suckers, Hombre - Sean Monaghan

 This is Just an Archive post

I got this zine Direct from Sean on instagram. I Forgot The Zine drop was limited to only 100 so I decided to archive it. sorry about the pin holes in the corners I used to have it on my wall.

I wish there were some exclusive pieces for this zine but I think all of these are on his insta. and The PDF is on Archive.org

DOWNLOAD ON internet archive

If a V cut tee can hold back big hangers. You can surely do it.

Again I'm showing my glasses preference

I Grew up obsessing over girls like Tina Fey and Cosplay model girls. Mostly cosplay model girls those were so cool to look at back in the day. especially metroid and princess peach. my two fav girls from fiction.

I love that hair!!!

I really like how the hair turned out. I think my biggest challenge with crosshatching is very very sharp contrast like in hair or very reflective and shiny things. i often see it dulls alot. but I think I rendered the hair very well. better than usual. I can actually sense the volume of her hair and see the shine.

 

Not trying to blame this on the original image but... I really don't like drawing from camera flash photos. even from very soft lighting the source still makes alot of sense. but I ended up making her arms way to dark in the back.

But her skin from up in the front is rendered very well. her face is contoured and she is so handsome cause of it. I mean I really like contorting my girls. especially her cute smile!!! that has to be my fav part. down to her breasts which yknow their circles so there's not much of a science to rendering tits. adding a bit of peeky areola is my cherry on top. 

The Original!

 It's more often I use these as a reference and not a study. I really need to study anatomy more since I can see her face is more tilted and it does not translate in the drawing. and not gonna lie. I think she's wearing a wig... sorry I just know hair changes color in direct light and it's just too black and shaggy to be real. she's still super beautiful though. i'm such a slut for those rectangle glasses. as always. so she's just my kinda woman.

 

You NEED an art blog

 I'm really sick of how BORING art platforms are.

Where you are lucky to pick a profile picture and banner. social media has become alot less personalized. and with NSFW artists or artist covering certain topics your scope is very much limited without having to censor yourself.

What artist would want to leave their only legacy on an image block site where there direction is limited to a TOS and a Character Limit.

This is why I have an artblog 

The First Blog site I used was Spacehey. A site I really recommend if you want that classic type of landing profile. I had seen tons of very talented artists here. and actually saw so much more of their personality and life just from how much more personal the blog format is. 

I Had tons of fun on that site and met alot of people but troubleshooting HTML issues is really hard and alot of things can break. after leaving my profile template does not work at all anymore. But it works if you are willing to upkeep your profile.

The Blog Format.

The personal aspect is what I care about the most. Do I really feel anything when I post Just an image and a caption?. I have been Posting my art for 8-5 YEARS now and I have never been more close to my art and audience. You might not think you have much to say about your art and I thought the same. my early posts were very plain but after a while. writing down my process inspiration or just what happened that week just grows my connection with my art and audience more.

 

My Blogger is also a "18+" site

 so as someone that draws tits and talks about fucked up stuff. this is incredible. I really have gotten sick with how hyper surveilled we are now. from our individual words to what we post. and to just have so much more freedom in those aspects. I can actually say suicide or mass shooting or sexual assault. and talk about adult issues without using baby speak. it reminds me of the zine scene. just absolute creative freedom. what are you creating for if it can't advocate for your own means of speech.

I believe blogs are some of the most unique and personalized sites on the internet. even on blogger which their system is pretty stream lined. You can make some very unique designs. down to the little icon in the browser tab. Blogger is leaps and bounds above even youtube. I really like my page. If you don't think so. Maybe visit it to really give me a piece of your mind!!

Web Journal

The Thing that mainly intrigued me with blogs was the older times in the internet. Before Social media was just snapshots of your life writing blogs is far more involved and personal. with the pace of the modern internet it's hard to get people to sit and read anything. but I don't really care. this platform and format has made me more free than I have ever been on the internet. And I love it.

 

    

Stick Control.

Doodle Time!

Gotta be real though I seriously recommend stick control for beginner percussionists.

This copy is super worn cause I used to carry this around a ton during high school. It's rudiments.

I've been getting more into postal and it's art direction. I did fuck it up cause the version I used as a ref was some sort of screen filter version so i could not see that he is wearing boots. and not tennis shoes. to first actually learn the origins of the term "going postal" was something genuinely very shocking.

 

Postal originates from the very real murders caused by postal workers. a prominent one being the Edmond Ok inccident where 14 people were killed. and from that point about 40 people have been killed from these types of shootings. with accidents being as recent at 2022.

 

With such grim origins postal's controversy makes more sense from the title to the content of the video game is in extremely bad taste. But I Really don't think It'd work nowadays or ever even happen. with how much culture and art has plateaued It's been so long since anything has actually just been so offensive. and I'm not saying Offensive like a snarky conservative that gets satisfaction out of being off putting cause of their inability to not say retard. I'm saying in the sense of putting some actual fucking artistry into their work.

 

Something I was shocked to find was Wednesday in my news paper. I only use the news for crosswords. Another piece of kitch grim comedy is Pride Prejudice and zombies. a book I found at work. i don't care to read it but I scrapped one of the drawings.

My zombie hyperfixation in the 2010s was palpable. zombie go boom and zombie land were my two fav things... like ever. I'm telling ya I had a zombie plan and all. I remember watching all dead rising boss battles too. just anything zombies was so cool to me.

 

Time to point out the rope wrapped elephant in the room... I think it's really cute. I'm not near enough skilled to draw shibari knots. The form of shibari knots are very structured and can be very very complex. But I still love drawing them. and It still came out well enough for me. I also really like this harness style too. maybe I oughta do something more simple next time.    

That's all of it though. I really Like how this turned out. I think I rekon to call this style school scrapping. cause that's how most of my school supplies ended up looking. But it's still more like a collage type of deal. I like the grey back drop of the book and how much that helped the dark style. keep connecting, keep creating - Bug  c 

 

One Month With The Anbernic Rg35xxSP

Perfect supplement for our Daily Brain Drains.

I'm Doing my part as a Late Gen Z'er by buying something my phone used to do. but the point is that it is not my phone. I don't even got NEAR enough discipline to not use my phone while I'm bored. So an alternative is needed. and I decided on a handheld Emulator.  

That being the Anbernic Rg35xxsp.

This just has a really good form factor for portability. and the clamshell just adds another form of protection for both the screen and buttons. so this being at the bottom of a bag or in a pocket has zero problems.

 

And that's the main feature I'm trying to get out of this device. I could have gotten something like the 35xx but for almost the same controller size and form. the sp tucks away into a 3 inch and 1 anna touch more inch thick square. While I would not say thin enough for some tight pants. this fits inna bag very well. but if you got that shit on. these fit well into oversized Camo pants.

 

Software. (and It's issues)

So fresh out of the box... the anbernic is y'know Different. The Stock OS is kitch I would say. I saw no real use in this. I mainly bought it for it's alternative operating systems. After alot of thinking. I picked the most popular OS on the anbernic Subreddit. MUOS, since this is linux based there is no "jailBreak" method. It's just as simple as flashing the software onto an SD card. I certainly remember my time modding PSPs and IPods. there's always some weird method and multiple layers to it.  where this is super easy.

 

Not saying MUOS is flawless tho. there is a LARGE problem I came across with MUOS. From my very first install I had problems with the clamshell sleep function having issues with how MUOS handles power and sleep function. so with how they overlay. it can COMPLETELY CORRUPT your MUOS install.

It's not some unknown boogie man though I just recommend doing this.

DO NOT CLOSE WITHOUT POWERING OFF and not until both the backlight and Powerlight turn off

ONLY USE THE POWER BUTTON TO POWER ON. only use the power option on the menu to turn off the device.

CHARGE WITH THE SCREEN OPEN. Charging turns the screen on and takes it out of sleep mode. but having the screen closed overrides that function thus making issues.

Considering The SP is the only console with a clamshell. it makes sense as to why MUOS has such a problem with overlapping Sleep and power functions.

 

But other than that. MUOS Is very good and stable. I would imagine the 35 is just a standout from the other players and that's why it has so many issues. This uses retroid for emulation so it's very simple to load roms and cores. MUOS does list cores that are shipped with the OS and ones you'd need to find. and that gets into the weird cores.....

Music Codec and Video Codecs are available on the anbernic. The Gameboy Video dream is REAL. I genuinely Have the entirety of brazil (1985), Xavier renegade angel, azumanga dioh, and the grinches ultimatum. and I have actually used this on break at work and it's a breeze. and working like a breeze is like most games on the console.

This supports up to ps1. and pretty light PSP games. But I would not bet on all PSP titles working on this. PS1 runs very well. and everything below works just as well. some of my fav titles being of course GBA titles and SNES titles. one last fav with MUOS is the Themes. Themes are always the best parts of alt Operating systems. and MUOS does it right. Right now I'm rocking hello kitty but there are tons and tons of themes for MUOS.

Hardware (and It's issues)

so take note this is a budget player. it's an all plastic build and I reckon all of its weight comes from the battery. But for being a budget player it certainly matches that standard. I really like the screen quality. reaching sufficient brightness and great resolution for video and later generation consoles. The buttons are okay. They feel nice with a poppy and clicky action. but my main issue is with the d-pad. where there is no see-saw action. this meaning other directions can be pressed on accident and worse being all can be pressed at the same time. I'm okay with the shoulder button format but I can imagine this being cramped.

I love the usb-c function but it only charges. since the storage is not recognized on my computer. AND A FREAKIN HEADPHONE JACKKKK. this works well for ear buds. but the amp Is pretty weak even to the point where koss headphones are asking too much from the amp. and I DO NOT reccomend to use the SD card the player comes with. I've heard alot of reliability issues with the factory card.

 

Overall

If you want something with no hitches... get something more expensive. Just being honest. For the price point of the player it is a ton of fun. far more fun than mobile gaming. or just scrolling to scroll. a super easy mod with tons of customizability and multi media function. it's really good    
 

  

   

Bulls Eye!

First Post with my photo scanner.

This is actually huge.

It's kinda cray to see a direct scan of my art. even as the artist and how much time i had spent with it. it's really cool to see. It gives me the ability to scan multimedia things like my sketch book covers which are also very cool to see in an almost archivist or sterile form. 

 I would say even me taking pictures of my drawings were an extra layer of my artistic process. either having parts of my desk or pens and pencils just outside of the frame. and even being a bit askew at sometimes. just humanized it alot.

"this is why I Don't do tats"

I would not be a good tattoo artist. or have any good ideas for myself. so obviously I'm not much into the know of genuine designs. so that's why most of the tattoos are kinda shit posts. One of my favs is the Mr.fantastic Fox tattoo. It's like one of my fav movies kinda looks more like kristopherson but It's supposed to me Mr.Fox. I just think his charisma and quick thinking through the movie just makes me look up to that kinda mind set. 

 

Another super cute and cool tat is the reticle around the areola. while there are other more natural and gothic ideals for breast tattoos. This is wayy more edgy. I do think it was the best for it to be on one breast since i think it'd look a bit overkill.   

Bug Blog 08-01-25

Contempt

I really hate work right now. I did not expect management to be shuffled around so much after i had came back and i feel that every day. So many points of failure. such high expectations I could never match I truly do not care. I am beyond ashamed of what my job had become. 

I had finally talked to the manager of a paint store my friend worked at and then again waiting a long time. but by the end of the month i want to be gone from my current job. No matter if I land the next job or not. I do have like a month or two's worth of income saved. so my deadline from the end of the month would be the 16th.

Just waiting and work has been my main focus this month. I really hate that i did spend last month mainly doing that. i did not draw as much as i wanted to at all. Work has just been so exhausting that i cannot do much after work. 

Tech regression

i did actually have a non art related fun project. It was my Anbernic. a retro handheld. it's been super fun. I made it to supplement my phone time. so instead of doom scrolling on my phone i instead spent time on my anbernic. 

It's super fun to use on break at work too. or waiting for... anything really. I had tons of fun playing wario ware while my tires were getting replaced. 

I took another step by dumifying my phone. I used a minimalist phone launcher and took youtube and pintrest off my phone. almost everything but my music streaming stuff. after all of that my screen time is down to a little more than an hour. I wanna keep it like that.

Cooking!! and Diet stuff.....

I really wanna be back on my diet or not binging again. but it's hard considering how unstable i had been. and just work in general does not bode well when restricting my calories gives me headaches and vertigo. I mean I do have caffeine in my system but I just do not think about my apatite and how well I control it.

It's just been eating when i'm hungry and kinda not having discipline. I still have been really really good at cooking though. I made some broccoli cheddar soup. zomg so fufin gooddd. 

 

Media That Changed Me       

I'm certainly Proud of what Media I engaged with this month. amazing life changing things truly.

Brazil. 

the amount of artistry and outsider like direction is unlike anything I have ever seen. amazing creative sets, expansive world building, and incredible effects work. thats why i speak of the artisty of this movie. With the contrast of incomprehensible dream like states to painfully realistic and dull depictions of the government. With the main character being a worker for said government It's incredible to see what they make out of it.it's mainly in its shortcomings due to how tight knit redundant government systems lead to dehumanizing people. i just reccomend watching the whole movie. It's a 2 hour BEAST of a movie.  

Heavy Metal - Cameron 

There's certain albums that come out sometimes and just rip me apart emotionally. Heavy metal was that. the vocal delivery throughout is just incredible throughout. Cameron's Husky voice can crumble down into emotional breakdowns like in Drinking age. the lyricism and vocal performance is so strong to where pretty much all of cameron's live shows are just him at a piano. but that's not to ignore the instrumentals of this album. from gentle strings to swelling drowning pianos, the production is immaculate. certainly a highlight of the year.  

Carts Of Darkness

This was one of those rando full documentaries that end up on youtube. this is about a group of homeless can scrappers and how they survive and live. and from what i see. they thrive. such simple lives it just really made me draw back and rethink my actual worries. was I really doing what i wanted? how do can scrappers have a better outlook on their live than I do. Just a couple of cans a day to end their "work day" by 2? One can scrapper certainly made me think. after one line saying “When you work for money, you better have a very good plan of what you are going to do with that money because you are using up your life”. This is what really made me turn against my current Job. and working in general. What I want to do in life is create and connect. and everything else in the way is just a waste.

Overall

This was a pretty emotional month for me overall. In many ways. ways that really changed me. but I hope for something more stable soon. I don't think I could ever relive this month but i can understand this was needed for me.

I am ready for worse. but I don't know how well I'd take it. I think i say this every month but I really do need some time away from everything. I hope to see you soon. Connect and create - 8U6