Thank You Latinas. For Being Insane, Sexy, and Insanley Sexy.
God Bless
Would you Like to take a wild guess being a brown person in texas... it's quite the coincidence that I am Mexican. I don't speak much of it since it does not really influence my work but after this piece. I really want to now.
I think about this joint I used to work at called Rosa's Cafe. and if you look at their dining rooms and looking at their marketing material. You notice how colorful Mexican art is. I love it. especially more vintage print ads. which the rosa's I worked at had alot of print ads on the wall.
The pottery and patterns and subject matters. I really like it. so maybe It's time for me to be loud about my ethnicity and fuck yeah I'm still drawing bewbs. it will just look like a Tecate ad or a Sol beer ad. c
You Are My Drug: I Need To Work On My Addiction.
Things have gotten clearer within these last months,but It's still a feeling of being lost. a fear I need to face, That as I exist, No woman wishes to have me as anything more than a friend.
Not that this will be forever, it will only feel like forever. I know it will be a very patient and special girl to put up with me. I still worry if I am content with my lack of growth as to preserve my idea of a stable man.
I know I do not deserve it. No matter what I may do, it is limited to me as a person. and as I have Adhd and mild autism. there are things I know I will never fix. for all the books I read I will never truly face her beautiful eyes without a feeling of fear and guilt.
It's just what is wrong with me. shall I rejoice in my flaws, yes. Though romance is my language,I must be reminded of your presence. I think of every aspect of you, I've only known you from a distance. I've only known you from films and movies. all that is idolized versions of you. I think of what I'm supposed to be as well. not anything that I match for you, I was never ready to be what you really want. and every attempt to speak to you can only be simmered down to every time I stuttered and could not face you and speak to you.
I can only wish to be what you want. you are every ounce of what I want, An addiction I face every time I see a curve that shares your shadow. the feeling of my pillows I could only imagine being something as warm as you. I'm afraid one day I may have a hatred for you, And so I must stop. before the way I think of you changes into something I could never undo.
I'm doing all I can. I've embarrassed myself in front of so many girls. rejections and a constant loop of stagnated talking stages. this will only lead me to hating something that has rejected all of my efforts. I just wish being obedient, aware, and empathetic was enough, or even being rewarded. I'm done, seriously. for now or until a girl forces me to date her. I'm done with asking girls out.
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