Bug Blog 08-01-25

Contempt

I really hate work right now. I did not expect management to be shuffled around so much after i had came back and i feel that every day. So many points of failure. such high expectations I could never match I truly do not care. I am beyond ashamed of what my job had become. 

I had finally talked to the manager of a paint store my friend worked at and then again waiting a long time. but by the end of the month i want to be gone from my current job. No matter if I land the next job or not. I do have like a month or two's worth of income saved. so my deadline from the end of the month would be the 16th.

Just waiting and work has been my main focus this month. I really hate that i did spend last month mainly doing that. i did not draw as much as i wanted to at all. Work has just been so exhausting that i cannot do much after work. 

Tech regression

i did actually have a non art related fun project. It was my Anbernic. a retro handheld. it's been super fun. I made it to supplement my phone time. so instead of doom scrolling on my phone i instead spent time on my anbernic. 

It's super fun to use on break at work too. or waiting for... anything really. I had tons of fun playing wario ware while my tires were getting replaced. 

I took another step by dumifying my phone. I used a minimalist phone launcher and took youtube and pintrest off my phone. almost everything but my music streaming stuff. after all of that my screen time is down to a little more than an hour. I wanna keep it like that.

Cooking!! and Diet stuff.....

I really wanna be back on my diet or not binging again. but it's hard considering how unstable i had been. and just work in general does not bode well when restricting my calories gives me headaches and vertigo. I mean I do have caffeine in my system but I just do not think about my apatite and how well I control it.

It's just been eating when i'm hungry and kinda not having discipline. I still have been really really good at cooking though. I made some broccoli cheddar soup. zomg so fufin gooddd. 

 

Media That Changed Me       

I'm certainly Proud of what Media I engaged with this month. amazing life changing things truly.

Brazil. 

the amount of artistry and outsider like direction is unlike anything I have ever seen. amazing creative sets, expansive world building, and incredible effects work. thats why i speak of the artisty of this movie. With the contrast of incomprehensible dream like states to painfully realistic and dull depictions of the government. With the main character being a worker for said government It's incredible to see what they make out of it.it's mainly in its shortcomings due to how tight knit redundant government systems lead to dehumanizing people. i just reccomend watching the whole movie. It's a 2 hour BEAST of a movie.  

Heavy Metal - Cameron 

There's certain albums that come out sometimes and just rip me apart emotionally. Heavy metal was that. the vocal delivery throughout is just incredible throughout. Cameron's Husky voice can crumble down into emotional breakdowns like in Drinking age. the lyricism and vocal performance is so strong to where pretty much all of cameron's live shows are just him at a piano. but that's not to ignore the instrumentals of this album. from gentle strings to swelling drowning pianos, the production is immaculate. certainly a highlight of the year.  

Carts Of Darkness

This was one of those rando full documentaries that end up on youtube. this is about a group of homeless can scrappers and how they survive and live. and from what i see. they thrive. such simple lives it just really made me draw back and rethink my actual worries. was I really doing what i wanted? how do can scrappers have a better outlook on their live than I do. Just a couple of cans a day to end their "work day" by 2? One can scrapper certainly made me think. after one line saying “When you work for money, you better have a very good plan of what you are going to do with that money because you are using up your life”. This is what really made me turn against my current Job. and working in general. What I want to do in life is create and connect. and everything else in the way is just a waste.

Overall

This was a pretty emotional month for me overall. In many ways. ways that really changed me. but I hope for something more stable soon. I don't think I could ever relive this month but i can understand this was needed for me.

I am ready for worse. but I don't know how well I'd take it. I think i say this every month but I really do need some time away from everything. I hope to see you soon. Connect and create - 8U6