Health Update :3

new-old

 Down to 160!!!  

So crazy to think last year I was 185-190. and now I'm getting so close to my weight goal sooner than I had expected, right now I am practicing something I had never noted.

old-new

My High sodium intake causing water retention. by either using fasting or extremely low sodium. in order to debloat. water retention is causing me to look puffy and also causes my weight to fluctuate alot, which has been a persistent issue and a hindrance. getting deeper into my caloric deficit just made me recognize that.

 

new-old

my protein goals are just a bit above normal in order to hold onto my lean mass, I don't mean to build alot of lean mass at the moment. this sodium experiment is going to be the main focus this month. I'm looking to only lose 6-3 pounds from water retention but it will reduce my bloat so that would be awesome sauce.

Goth Couture

 She's like... totes cool 

I drew this a while ago and decided to finally edit it cause it looks so freaking cool,this really looks like those old emblems from fashion brands of the time. like Juicy Couture,Von Dutch and Ed Hardy. Juicy uses old royal looking flares and Ed Hardy has that trad tattoo look which I really like.

 

I used a time accurate scene girl ref and it's somewhat refreshing and different compared to what "goth" looks like now. Like how flat her makeup looks, I don't think heavy highlight and contour was the thing at the time. Mostly just base foundation,brows, and Eye Shadow and Eye liner. this is insanely different compared to a more modern goth look which requires alot of layers I don't think I care to list.

 

I could also talk abt how that style is an effect of the serialization of alternative culture, this heavy and layered style of male gaze makeup has just kinda covered up the genuine and historic culture of scene, goth and emo.

soo uhhh yeah I do feel guilt for partaking in that. so my alt girls from this point on will genuinely be weird, violent and femgaze.    c 

My Pretty Scratch Canvas

 This makes my masochistic heart screammm :33 

I've been starting to really take interest in acrylic nails... especially sharp acrylic nails, the more it appears to be talons the more I want to be clawed by them. the red loving trails left behind, thinking of the joy taken out of leaving such a mark. etching "mine" into the skin I uhrrr really like the objectification and possessive qualities of that, I know it's strange yes.

 

I love how the boy looks as well, the definition, reddish and blushy, so warm and soft. a perfect scratch canvas I would say, Little wimpers from being toyed with. I'm um TOTALLY not jelly of him.... never.... My drawings have had a very red a passionate era truthfully. I love it, It's the only color I can think of seeing everything I've made recently. not in some choice I've made of lust but, a form of deep love and intimacy that is represented in my drawings.