Why Turn My Trust to Something That Cannot Respect Me.

I did a foolish thing again and indulged, Talking to a sweet girl and setting time aside from her only to block me the day we were supposed to meet. not to mention having to push the plans by a whole day and then another 2 hours the morning of,all for nothing. I attempted to reach out to friends of mine that she knew as well only to be called weird for it. we were supposed to meet on Tuesday and then she wanted to push to Wednesday then she woke up mid afternoon only to ask 4 then push to 5.

my only choice was to respect her choices, I do tell her that I do not like when my plans are not respected. only to tell her reassuring that I was not mad at her. only after getting ready and making it halfway to her house I find that she had blocked my on Instagram. not a wave of anger or anything. but for all that I had done and what has been happening to me. I could only weep, that I realized. I'm not respected, not an ounce for how I'm treated compared to the respect I give all people, especially women more so. 

 

I understand as to why I'm treated like this, I'm a smaller than average 5,6 165 male. a rather feminine man at that and emotional, as you can read. I'm just wrong all over, and I wish to be the way I am, it's all I know any anything different would just feel wrong. like the mask I already wear would only be thicker and I would lose myself at some point. All I know is everything that has gone wrong with talking to girls, why turn my head anymore. why try, I'm done. I've been done. 

It's so hard to wonder if I'm going through some divine test. that this severe mistreatment has some sort of reason behind it. or that women are being needlessly cruel to me for no reason. I love women more than my heart would tell me, to think on it I feel my chest wince out of fear. it's what makes me wonder if this is a effort I must put in for something I want so badly. 

 

 

My Art for pride month.

 The persistent struggle of identify issues and being trans. 

This is coming from someone that in the past has struggled with body dysphoria,and had questioned my gender identity. the most obvious marking being the mask, while being safer in your body. New more strict standards have been placed on your beauty, that you must be cuter, whiter, and doll faced.

 

so yes even with surgery and other things, nothing guarantees you will feel accepted in your own skin. the scars and current cuts reflect the past, present, and future of self harm and self worth issues. a past of misunderstanding, pretending and faking, lying about yourself to you. the present of not being at your body goal and plotting out what things to do now or later. while knowing yourself, you are only thinking of what you will make of yourself. and the future, like I said that even with getting all you need you still may not be safe in your skin.

 

Being trans is scary. it's not some sort of lightswitch choice in which one day you just reckon one day, you are actually a girl. even without outside influence. the internal struggle is still massive. a feeling of being excluded, not being confident in your body, dating problems, culture problems, everything that could make you not feel like you.

 

It's not fun so... I did not wanna make my pride piece be all rainbows and fun or just yaoi or yuri or everything in between. it's mostly to recognize those issues that trans people face outside of their demonization, health care issues, safety issues, and everything else politicians wish upon them for no other reasons as to be evil.   

Peach Fuzz

 There's a little demon in my brain that is making me addicted to fems with body hair 

I love natural features so much, Yknow the ones everyone is chill with like stretch marks and cellulite. But the one I'm the most outspoken for it body hair :333. Like no matter with how "progressive" we've been some men are like... actually disgusted by it.

 

like for hygienic reasons... forgetting that they are coated in thicker and denser body hair... yeah I totally don't trust the woman to keep her self clean but I totally trust your "wash once let the water get my legs for me" method. I love the way it looks, so fuzzy and soft looking, like velvet.

 

I do not want something shaven smooth, slick, naked, artificial. I know the field that should be here, but here I stand to witness mans fault. I can already feel your hair bumps, so eager your skin is to be hairy again. it's what you need :3