You Are My Drug: I Need To Work On My Addiction.

Things have gotten clearer within these last months,but It's still a feeling of being lost. a fear I need to face, That as I exist, No woman wishes to have me as anything more than a friend.

Not that this will be forever, it will only feel like forever. I know it will be a very patient and special girl to put up with me. I still worry if I am content with my lack of growth as to preserve my idea of a stable man.

I know I do not deserve it. No matter what I may do, it is limited to me as a person. and as I have Adhd and mild autism. there are things I know I will never fix. for all the books I read I will never truly face her beautiful eyes without a feeling of fear and guilt.

 

It's just what is wrong with me. shall I rejoice in my flaws, yes. Though romance is my language,I must be reminded of your presence. I think of every aspect of you, I've only known you from a distance. I've only known you from films and movies. all that is idolized versions of you. I think of what I'm supposed to be as well. not anything that I match for you, I was never ready to be what you really want. and every attempt to speak to you can only be simmered down to every time I stuttered and could not face you and speak to you.

 

I can only wish to be what you want. you are every ounce of what I want, An addiction I face every time I see a curve that shares your shadow. the feeling of my pillows I could only imagine being something as warm as you. I'm afraid one day I may have a hatred for you, And so I must stop. before the way I think of you changes into something I could never undo. 

 

I'm doing all I can. I've embarrassed myself in front of so many girls. rejections and a constant loop of stagnated talking stages. this will only lead me to hating something that has rejected all of my efforts. I just wish being obedient, aware, and empathetic was enough, or even being rewarded. I'm done, seriously. for now or until a girl forces me to date her. I'm done with asking girls out.        

Bewbies Bewbies!!!

 I Am Just A Boy... 

A boy with issues so yeah I'm nursing on those... Am sorry to be so honest but what else would make me love such mature built old willow of a woman. something purely natural and exists as something beautiful due to it's age.

 

I often intend to age my characters. to be fair these are qualities women have naturally. smile lines, so goddam cute I love smile lines so much. crows feet around the eyes and lines below the eyes. every wrinkle and vein I love. for it is inevitable beautiful and natural for a woman to age. those signs being a sign of confidence and being content with themselves. and I can't help but be attracted to such confidence.

 

Laying In Passion

 Hehe~ I love bewbies 

I love this red. for me it represents such a passion and intimacy that lives in my heart for women. especially chubby women something so divine and perfect about how women store fat. It's all natural to me.

 

Amazonian I would say. but something more rotund. for the weight shows the sign of a strong well eating woman. someone I can cook for and work for. She's so hot laying like this. A blushing plain face, perhaps trying to hide an embarrassed face. a set of beautiful weighty breasts. with softness and femininity such as her love handles. something that makes her so warm. 

 

holding or being held she radiates such a lively heat. similar to a moth I am simply drawn to it for no other reason other than that it is my nature to.