HAPPY ONE YEAR 8U63473R BLOG

 HOLY SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED IT BY LIKE 4 MONTHS....   

Okay so my first ever blog on this page was back in September. and It's really crazy to think I've been active on this page for a whole year!

 

This page has seen alot from me. and I reckon cause of that you've seen too much from me. some of the best times and worse most horrid times. about 3 Jobs 2 genders 1 horrid relationship and SEVERAL projects and hundreds of individual drawings. I think I'll just talk about some of my fav drawings and projects from the past year.

 

 God Bless These Breasts. 

thinking again I prolly would not draw something of this nature again but It still did mean something to me at the time. something more than just sexualizing a woman of faith. it was when I had been becoming more critical of my faith and more embracing my sexuality. or trying to understand why my lewdness must be tied to my guilt. such passion I have sexually must be paired with guilt and shame.

 

 The Death Of Marat 

This was simply a study but did still I knew how I was feeling at the time. I had still been working the graveyard shift at a gas station and at the time I had finally listened to the Death consciousnesses album Have A Nice Life. which had been genuinely dreadful album listen. Isolation and dread and anger in a gritty textural ambient mixture of all my feelings in one album. and alot of it is enhanced through the cover art. which to me alluded suicide but still covers the overall topic of death. just to say not seeing the sun for about 6 months did horrid things to me.

 

 THE ORIGINAL  COMPOSITION SKETCHBOOK  

This *was* one of my most popular series on youtube was the composition sketchbook I think It did have alot of merit and it's no wonder as to why It became so popular. but like a ton of it was just... straight up porn so like naturally it was hard to make a youtube based series about this book. so eventually having to blur and censor stuff was just slowing the project down a ton. I don't really think I could use ONLY a composition as a sketchbook to be honest. It was just kind of a dumb idea that caught on. which really is the greatest shame that my least fleshed out idea had to be my most popular one.

 

 Lily Clove 

Around this time is when I finally changed back to working at rosa's cafe. which had been my first job. things were so much brighter to me after that. and at the time I created the alias of Lily clove. which i soon intended to be my transitioned name. the job at the gas station really isolated me so much that changing back to such a bright and social atmosphere I really needed. lily did form alot of change in my life. it's why I started to try and diet more and feminize myself. and even think about and research HRT treatments. but then I just felt more comfortable as using her as more a pseudonym or a pen name.

 

 I Wanna Shred With U~ 

I'm not gonna lie to you chief. My drawing subjects used to be wayyy more sexual. and my Pinterest getting banned really changed my drawing subjects. while of course I still draw Pin up style drawings restarting my pintrest really stopped the stagnation i was kinda going through at the time and really changed my art direction for the best I would say. I took more inspo from graphic design and cartoons more so than from images and photos.

going back to my roots honestly looking back at artists like Robert crumb and graphics from companies like DC and world industries where I really questioned my stylistic choices rather than my subjects. where of course my subjects are important to me. without style it would not really be anything at all. so I find it very Important to me and I do see this era as pretty important to me.

  

 Composition Notebook Again? 

Around this time I had a rather sudden career change to my current job working with car rentals. alot of it is just attending a desk which gets super super boring so I use alot of that time to draw. I needed a sketchbook that was not full of nudes so I just decided to buy a new sketch book. and what a way reuse an idea was to use a composition notebook again!! this is my current ongoing project.

It's fun for the same reason the first sketchbook was so fun. it really just stops the sort of fear of an empty canvas and just enables me to just work and throw anything onto the paper. and also acts as a catchall for my other doodles on scrap paper. or even found objects too. sort of like a junk journal I'd say. 

 

 Blooming 

This is a recent piece I am really proud of. I combined more graphics and contrast into this. where I did draw the pose I also included the imagery of a blooming flower and filigree. where the blooming flower does represent sexual freedom and love. It could be alot of things that cause it but having kinks and having your partner participate with you in those kinks is such a bonding and loving experience. where shibari really embodies trust in your partner it is something I love also

Of course my subjects are sexual alot of the time it's still more passion than lust I want to represent in my drawing. cause truly anything I draw a girl doing... I'd prolly do myself. and I know sometimes It can be degrading I'm positive it's not something most NSFW artists can say about their subjects.

 

 Well Here's to another year :3 

I started this year pretty sad and fat now I'm ending this year at 175 pounds :3333 still kinda sad but I sure did learn alot of things.

 

I just love that I have this to look back at since alot of my life had just been archived through just images or posts. and just drawing overall. It's why I think hobbies are massively important. It can act as a personal archive of your life.

 

It does not matter what you make still it will embody your mindset and feelings at the time. both as an artist and musician it is incredible to see what I have made out of my worst times. If there is anything to take away from this is. splat your thoughts write em sing em draw it or like use that energy to create something.

 

there will always be a time you look back and are grateful that you had made what you made. though I have been rather disappointed in certain projects I look back and see them as important turning points in my life.

Stuff I wanna type abt.

 I'm Like So Bored So Let Me Just Spill My Brain.  

I've been thinking about the whole ozempic thing going on right now. with the whole health thing being more class oriented than ever. looking after my own health has just changed my mind about things like health, famous people and the food industry.

 

Mostly about how bad it's getting with food overall. like honestly I follow snack and food instagram profiles just to see the absolute garbage that is being sold now by the big 5 food companies like Kellog. either it be green washed slop like poppi sodas or just pure gluttony like the cheetos mac and cheese. it really is pathetic to think someone is impressed by this shit.

 

I think Ozempic will further widen the gap between the health of lower and higher income people. where it would be hard to afford low process food and afford the ability for weekly or near daily trips to the store for fresh produce. with Ozempic food quality simply will not just matter. while it could help. I just can't really fully get behind it. 

 

Sorry but I can't help but think every time a femgaze leftist feminist performative male is found out to be... performative.. the most recent incident was this one debating kid and another emo cis F46 was actually just racist. The first debating kid got famous in the same way shapiro did. just talking down to unprepared idiots, and naturally that impressed fellow idiots. just words just words. even less that what Hassan got famous for. and for it to come out that he had been majorly empathizing for Charlie kirk and then got on the hate train once it was okay just showed that he pretty much was spineless.

 

another more worse case was that er fissy gaggot cosplaying himbo that just turned out to be a POS. He was racist or whatever. I mean why to we even set such standards on the internet when we really don't know ANYTHING about these people. it's even worse when these people are wolves in sheep's clothing. I mean Jesus Christ we really are FAR too attached to online personalities to where NO MATTER what an influencer may do someone will defend them and the opposite of that too. just fucking impossible standards to the point where I LOATHE these people really

 

from people like ((Nick Fuentes)) still having a platform to tik tok finding the minor artist of the week to bully and run off the internet. it's pathetic really, I would say do better but No really I love to have a pass to bully people on the internet. I was on the boyfish hate train I'm here for the dean withers hate train. China is trying to replace my job by making bots that bully people and sew division. this is hate from the home country everyone 100 percent genuine American made ragebaiting.      

the internet is still cool. the hot pot of culture right now tik tok has the incredible discovery algorithm one that youtube and instagram is majorly faltering in. so yeah cool :3  

WE N SLUT SEASONNNN

 

 Sorry I Just Needed A Good Headline For More Pages. 

My rate Is slowing down a bit But I kinda do need to be more realistic with how much pages I do in a day.

 

Like sometimes I swore id get like 2 to 3 pages a day but like y'know I just think i need to slow down if i wanna make good spreads.

 

Buttt other than that. this page shows some of my fav things right now! bunnies, Dying fetus, smiling friends, and Zyzz. I know these are some obscure characters but I drew the salt and pepper from salty's they are soo cute 

Erm these are just notes from a caloric deficit lecture. so if you need notes on sustainable body fat loss..... just watch The Lecture. Just getting to know the basic basic rules of fat loss and overall weight loss to not get lost in a discipline that does not make sense or overly difficult diets.

 

I would reccomend watching to even those who don't really plan on losing weight cause understanding all of those would help you from not falling for any bull crap health marketing stuff that is becoming more and more popular these days.

 

But other than that I just drew the south pole logo cause that shit is kinda pretty hard. I do remember wearing this in 5th grade but I was like a little dumb kid so i did not really have that shit on. at all, If I could get another swing at the fits I used to wear as a kid im pretty sure id be dripped tf OUT.

 

God bless sheer thin black dresses.

 

Wish I could have done the contrast a bit better cause the original sauce image is like so damn hot. Kinda did her dirty but like hey. it was my first drawing of the day. and then I also drew my old lil fursona. I used to be a raccoon cause like I had really bad health habits.

 

and it's an old sona cause like I don't really have those habits anymore. It started back when i was working night shifts and was just fasting and eating very badly. Smoking and drinking coffee with deep fried foods... it's no wonder as to why I was so tired all the time and super moody. not fun times. but now I'm a lean little bunny with all the energy!!!! 

Ai is the Anti Christ

 

I really hate Ai it is so intuitively unhuman that no god could ever love such a creation. A waste of money and resource we intended to replace the work of man.

 

It's plainly obvious it is an innovation of capitalism. finally getting what it wants something that will never protest, something that will never need time off. It's beyond insulting to see these companies push as if it will benefit the common man. 

 

But alot of companies are loosing money to operate data centers and polluting the areas around these data centers. I fucking hate them so much. using human passion and creation for commerce. it's so fucking souless

yesh what a buzz kill. WHERE THE TIDDIES ATTTT!?!?!?

 

While I have kinda changed my mind on body positivity I certainly will still draw body diversity. But I will stop at empowering obesity and normalizing it. I really do think all bodies are beautiful but I do wish a healthier lives for all my baddies

 

you are so much better than the life you live. what may be a sedentary life or a life oriented around unhealthy foods you deserve so much more. but I do not judge you for this life. 

 

FILIGREE AYEEE

 

This Could also be called scroll work but I know it as filigree. I love to see it in graphic design from brands like monster and south pole.

 

it's like so damn cool and it got tossed out for the sake of minimalism. here are just some studies of filigree cause its like pretty complicated. leaves and seemingly random swirls it's so satisfying to draw.

 

kinda as to why I love crosshatching it can be pretty meditative. just like a calming brainless activity. I really like it.

 SELENAS~~~~~ GAHHHH

     

Naturally as a Mexican in Texas does, I love Selena. I almost cried watching the Selena movie foe the first time and Just love her music. such a strong a beautiful spokesperson for Texmex art and culture.

 

My New sona!!! bunny!! specifically and Holland Lop. cause of their big floppy ears. so cute!!! :333. I love the fur pattern and considering these are a bit small in the scope of bunny breeds its like perfect for me. maybe once I'm all lean and muscle I could be a hare.

 

But as of now I'm just a lean lil thing.

Miss Muscles~~~~

      

Ghfhsibsid Fuck I Love strong womensss. if a girl was talkin to me like this I'd prolly be blushy and twirling my hair the whole time. 

 

It is a bit of a joke about men loving cardio girls but like not liking the weight training girlies. even though weight training perfectly carves out such an attractive figure for women. Broad shoulders and bold arms and strong legs~~ fuckkkkkkkkmmmmm,asdbiahb 

 

 listen I'm just gonna keep this SFW okay... I'd just like to uh "train" with her I just know something is gonna be sore at least.

 

More Filigree and some tiddies.

Studying statues!!. It's like My fav study subject. cause the stone is just as reflective as human skin id reckon. I have to say that's like the hardest thing to study.

 

But Once it clicks it gives so much depth to your drawings. light bounces around a TON. even something direct as sunlight shadows aren't just black and white drop shadows like dark objects. if the object is light enough light bounces all around and making softer lighting. it's such a fun crosshatching challenge.

 

Postal dude~~ hehe
 

Okayyy I just KNOW he'd prolly do this. there uhh Just ain't much else to this. just him being a lil slut. 

 

 

 

Not that there is anything wrong with that ;3~~ 

BUNNIESSSS 

So So cuteeee. An also interesting study on very fuzzy animals. since the contrast is so light on the edges of their fur the line work has to be very very light.

 

Even dotty at some points. cause if I used heavy line weight for the bunny it'd seem like a cardboard cut out rather than a fluffy bunny. because again their fur makes a very soft contrast. and since lines don't exist in real life. our brain sees contrasting light hue and textures as lines. thus thin lines making the bunnies look soft and light :3

 

Sorry... It's upside down...

 

But I drew a horror cosplayer I like.... Like I like alottttt... he's such a big strong boy it'd be such a shame if he caught me with those strong hands. oh nooooooo~~~~ hehehehe~~~~ sorry idk why I love scary men and women so much like my crush on Amanda from saw and him is like... something I prolly gotta see a therapist for...

 

Speaking of needing therapy. I drew a study from an artist Trevor Brown. who is a pretty interesting artist. He Paints alot of... fucked up things. I originally heard of him from several of his paintings being used for Venetian snares albums. I do not recommend him to those sensitive to child abuse, nudity, and domestic abuse.... yeah it's a bit fucked up.

 

Those are the pages as of now!! I think using the book to study was something pretty interesting I'll prolly do again since like. I really do almost use that book like a diary so just using it for more than just drawing will just add to that home like feeling.

 

That's mainly why I love my sketchbooks so much. adding random scraps through my day. It will mean so much more as time passes. and become far more important than just random doodles. :3 but anyways we are at page 49 now!!! 

 

 

EMO T GIRLS GIVE ME LIFE.

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Boy Hobbies Are Sooo Boring.

 I mean There really is better things to be doing... 

 

The prospect of me possibly having a sugar daddy BUT I'd have to tag along with his golfing just makes me really wanna reconsider the lifestyle of a bimbo. 

 

Might just have to join the trades like a real man. so that's pretty tragic to me. but she's so hawt thooooo.

 

I would imagine a boredom so deadly you'd become lustful And that's like the idea. . I'm like really starting to like drawing bimbos again. the Ayesha is really hitting n ts got me ovulating.

Bug Blog 10-30-25/11-30-25

 THE MENTALLY ILL DOUBLE FEATURE 

So like pretty much right after I wrote my last blog My "boyfriend" broke up with me. I say that cause he considered it a friends with benefits thing but naturally.. It effected me personally.

 

It sent me into  pretty bad spiral that whole month. I did not make a blog like in this style but I did kinda make several trauma dump posts. I was so sensitive that month I had grown an attachment to laika the space dog and would cry almost anytime I'd think of her or see anything related to her.

 

Like i was just so weak and unstable there were really times where I did not know if it was gonna get better. which obviously things will always change but that I idea just could not manifest in my brain. I even changed my view of my femininity and masculinity.

 

Around this time I also started to think more about dieting. and finally committed and started a calorie deficit. I had my other projects going on too. My depressive episodes would turn on and off but at that point I got more and more stable. 

 

and er kinda embarrassing but I joined tik tok. Instagram fucking sucks with discoverability so tik tok was just a better pick for meeting other artists. and it's been really fun so far.    

 

Work again has been just pretty boring. but that's a good thing. It actually got me to do more physical things and recently I have even been weight training too. I mean it's cause building muscle can aid in fat loss and joint support. I had thought cardio was the the key but still I really need to build my arms more cause I'm in like twink status

 

I taught myself death metal style vocals :33 I actually did a cannibal corpse cover and all. I'm using the inhale distortion technique. I can get like super deep and guttural. but can't really get like fry shouting high. I don't really plan to be a vocalist but it's still really fun to do.

 

This month started with my lowest low so like naturally anything after that would feel pretty good. and I'm FEELING ITTTTT IM IN MY WHORE ERAAAA. slimming down to be a pretty boy is like thee goal!!! slim down pretty up and date dominant womennnnnn!!!! 

 

Or like any girl like i said slut eraaaa~~~~~    

I'M TRYNA FOLD A BIH NO PAPER

*click to view*

 the sad bitch era has been put aside for my boy slut era    

finally getting my shit together after the break up got me like.... mad lovey dovey. I need like a date badddduhhjnfjkfnkj I ain't tryna date no mens neither. this was a pose I have drawn before but just redid it cause it's such a pretty and cute pose. 

 

The legs act as a boarder and frame the face. with those leading down to a pretty pussy and hole. I really like it. and I just added the filigree for that art deco early hippie aesthetic. which I'm leaning into more and more since becoming more aware with health and wellness. 

 

WHAT WOULD REALLY HELP MY WELLNESS WOULD BE SOM LEGS OVER MY SHOULDERS AYEEEEEE. hehe~ okay aside that.... going against the American food industrial system is like my thing now cause they really are poison to us. and understanding basic nutrition would cripple these companies. so please learn and inform yourself. and eat some pussy too. essential er.... minerals and antioxidants and good bacteria.... yeahhhhhh