Saturday, November 15, 2025

HOLY SHIT WHEN WAS THE LAST UPDATE???

 Jojo... poor thing. 

The biggest mistake I made this month was watching this movie at work. I have some ties with jojo in the sense of my young early radicalization. I was not to the degree of jojo but to understand the people I defended really did not care for me or even hated me really changed me.

 

Jojo rabbit does incredible work at understanding how weak propaganda is if you really think or understand. but that realization may be far to late for you to undo your actions.

 some more studies 

don't ask abt the girl in the corner.... please. this day was actually pretty interesting alot of flights got cancelled so alot of car reservations ended up not coming. I reckon I did two pages on this day. I did another still life study of a bell pepper. I really like it but I know the contrast could be stronger.

 

This day was still pretty scary too cause there was a TON of fog which made the flight delay a ton and I got to talk to alot of stranded travelers. always love to chat and stop and talk with someone. it's like time will wait for us to talk about the weather and where my grandma used to live and the places we have been. it's real fun.

 The mandatory GOONER PAGE 

Yeahhh okay mother gothel may have been the villain BUT SHE'S MY PRINCESS OKAY. with my mommy issues her obsessive and manipulative personality ZOMG SHE CAN DO THAT TO MEEEEEEE

 

plus she is such a mature HOTTIEEEE she got them crows feet and defined cheek bones and smile lines RAHHHHH damn!!! I drew her in something more modern cause of course her dress in the movie FUCKS. I just KNOW she'd look so good. AND SHE DOES.

 

I also had a moment with drawing robot girls. as someone that often troubleshoots tech the ideas for what a robot person can do is like limitless. thinking about technician x robot stories or robots getting "hacked" this is pretty basic puppy hypnosis.

 FRANCINE LEMME HIT PLEASEEE 

THE MILF TRAIN AIN'T NEVER GON STOP. I really Like Francine. she's always been one of my fav adult cartoon moms. other than marge but that's cause marge has genuine motherly instincts and its adorable.Francine is just what I want my femme energy to be. 

 

More damn robot stuff. I drew a humanoid IDOG cause my friend said so. she's really cute. another drawing is of this girl I saw on tik tok and was really obsessed with her facial structure. so of course I drew her. 

 puppy? 

deez mfrs could not keep me off the LEASH. Just had a cute idea of a lil puppy girl having a brain melt cause she's on a leash. and ANOTHER portrait of a tik toker. this time it was because she did some really sick metal covers.

 

She introduced me to inhale technique and its what I currently use to do death metal covers. which is really cool. and there's like a half done sketch of kim pines i think from the scott pilgrim movie.

I love girls with strong facial features. like plastic surgeons will see a girl with a square jaw line and mald.

 BUNUY!! SHAHAHAUNDUIN 

ANOTHER TIK TOK PERSON I'M SORRYYY I like scroll alot when im bored at work so like I get alot of my ideas from that. but cmon this is a carnival typa strong woman. like they have the hammer and do all the "strongman" tricks. she is BUILT ASFFFF like body goallsssss. 

 

and there is some bunuys!!! I love bunnies so much. little big ear babiesssss..... I've just been obsessed with prey animals since I've just kinda regressed into my rather docile personality. I've been working on a diet to slim down and also try and gain some muscle. not in an obvious gym bro type of way I just know there is some bunnuys to protect out there. Might have to stop a truck from hitting a deer.

 

It's been incredible to see deers more often since I work close to a forest cause they just walk around alot. they are just so cute and pure.

 Oh nah the lesbeans are being weird again 

This is just something I find oddly romantic. not really sexual really. but it's still pretty hawt heheh~~

 

the other is my bastard pony sona again. the friendship is magic kinda style just kinda pugifies the pony by making the nose pretty stubby. I mean I do kinda prefer the 80s version but I love doodling in the friendship is magic style. and then The REAL version. real horse anatomy to me is just really funny. Like horse reaction images are just my fav thing ever in the world.

 I LOVE SCARY GIRLS!! 

I have really gotten tired of weird kid "fashion" stuff like scene and emo is just a costume for people and people outside of that scene treat it as such. thus makes the conservative men want a "goth girl".


I just love when goth girls do not care to cater to men or anyone really. Like overly aggressive makeup and overkill piercings gah I just love it so much.

 

Speaking of men.... THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ZOMG. old people must have the worst gaydar ever. cause how did they not know the village people were the biggest gay himbos ever.

 Heyyy postal boyzzzz~~~ 

I was just thinking about the postal dude in a thin black athletic shirt and i jnounsidniujg gguf GAHHHHHH!!!!

 

sorri not to get all rabid about it but DAMN. I drew the other long hair guy and did not really mean it to kinda look like the postal 1 guy. but it's like close enough. I'm kinda recovering from an artblock right now and I think you can kinda see that it starts here.

 

I mean I never know when artists are going through artblock but lemme tell you I could tell I was from this drawing

 Did I mention my depressive episodes are flaring up again? 

Holy edgelord batman. I really gotta say 2010-2018 was like the peak of my interest in mascot/subversive internet horror. and the peak of all of it was with DDLC. I thought the dating game genre subversion was incredible. and the deaths were pretty brutal. and the oddly realistic one was sayori's death.

 

the other girls had somewhat scary death scenes but like for something that has no blood and no obvious signs of struggle Sayori's death has to be the most brutal of DDLC.

 

er idk the actors name but she was really good to study for facial proportions.

 DEATH GRIPS IS ONLINE.  

I've been doing backflips since the new album announcement from death grips about them working on the new album. I had been convinced that death grips just was not gonna be a thing after the final tour and andy leaving the group

 

For the almost 7 years I've known the group they have influenced me alot. it might not show but my style would be very different without them. and here is sidney sweeny being a lizard person. I miss when the worst drama a celeb would have would be their association with Illuminati and not reinforcing nazi dog whistles.

 

I really don't care about her I just love to be judgemental to people that don't worry about their rent.

 My Fursona.... 

My sona is an excuse to crossdress not to be a stupid raccoon. I don't really have the money to test with women's fashion at all so I'll just have to settle with my sona dressing like a slut.

 

Creepy girlllsss. goth pastel will never not seem like melene martenez core to me. but I love it so much doeeee. I wanna do more work with goth pastel cause i love using pastel colors but still wanna draw creepy stuff.

 

I only did one page on this day.I'm not trying to rush this book but my output is certainly slowing down and I just gotta adjust to that.

 A Brick Shit House  

I love me some brown girls what moe can I say. Girl in the bangs and curls is giving like old barbie Nicki when she was still weird and did not fold to the "baddie" type of fashion.

 

speaking of baddie!!! there is some ass here!!! not much a fan of drawing ass cause like it's hard to draw the face too. and I'd rather have the face than the ass so I don't really draw women from the back often. 

 

I mean ass is cool with me tho its nice soft and often voluptuous. when I do draw ass I normally draw cellulite and stretch marks cause I mean ass is just fat and muscle so its all natural.

 HEAVY METAL BABES 

I love 80s pinup girls. I reckon I have said that before but I'll be here to say it again. I love those hair spray hotties. and she's quite the example. Now this is why they call a guitar an AXE.

 

this is really hair metal!! I'd take this over faux pop punk any day. hair metal dudes really were the drag queens of their day. not in a queer sense i guess but they sure did love their cross dressing and makeup not that there is anything wrong with that!!       

 


Tuesday, November 4, 2025

Body Of Honey

 Erm Time to be pathetic again :33  

so I'm talking to this person and yeahhh... she's been at the forefront of my mind for a while now. like i said.. pretty pathetic but i can't help but be emotional because I have not felt a connection like this in a while. not something that felt like an obligation or something not something that is sexually fulfilling just... idk pure attraction.

 

something almost addictive and pure like sweet honey. something about her makes me speak embarrassing things but I can't help but say it. but after being through one of the most loveless relationships that connection and attraction even in terms of friendship has drawn me out from my dark hopeless isolation. 

 

This is something I would not tell her directly really. the weight of my depressive episode and disparity for human connection would be too much. I'm still just processing everything though. I reckon I've made my disparity pretty clear to her I had drawn for her and showered her in compliments. it was way too early to do all that.

 

I'm just scared of doing something that could scare her away or forever regress me to a creep or something. But talking to her somehow that fear drains away and I somehow say what I'm really thinking. if you can somehow guess this is you and you are reading this...

 

I don't mean to use this as some malicious intent. and please do not think you are at fault for any of my feelings or thoughts. I'm sorry.I'm coming off of a really bad relationship in which I am still processing and changing.    

Monday, November 3, 2025

hehe~~ robot girlssss

 to be the technician working on a scared whimpering robot girl... 

I wondered in the same way people are scared of the doctors robots would be the same way. no matter how gentle you are she's still a little scared. she's so cute too 

I drew this is a brand new sketchbook I will be writing about that soon. and actually some new sketch books my mom found in storage. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2025

The Night Dress

 Milf alert milf alert!!!  

my obsession with mom bod may have peaked here. cause goddamn am i so proud of this she's legit glowing. 

 

Seeing a woman's figure behind thin fabric or lace is like the most attractive thing to me ever in the whole world. 

 

gaw her pretty breasts and body I like comically melt thinking about her. I really don't care for lingerie i think night dresses and pajamas are so much hotter. lingerie seems a little too try hard like its just undies with lace and flowers just lemme see her in nothing and a frilly thin night dress dammit!!   v 


Resturant Food Guides

 Adhd makes cooking kinda hard. prepped frozen or fast food is an easy cop out. so lets not make it a double negative and list some decent picks from my fav restaurants.

(this is pretty much just my personal list but Id love to educate whoever comes across this) 

 Wataburger 

SUB FOR APPLE SLICES

The menu has decent macros if you are mindful it's the fries that get you. A Large fries can add 28 grams of fat ON TOP of the already fatty and sodium rich foods.

My Picks are 

either salads with Grilled Chicken and Balsamic 565 calories, 9g sat fat, 32g protein,

The grilled chicken sandwich with apple slices 430 3.5 sat fat 32g protein

 Taco Bell   

High fiber meals!! and high sodium too...

Cantina Chicken Bowl 480 calories 7 sat fats 24 g protein.

Black Bean Chalupa 340 calories 3.5 sat fats 10 g protein 

 chick fil a  

I did NOT know chick fil a has such solid protein macros.

Spicy Deluxe W pepper jack w berry parfait 790 calories 11.5 sat fats 48 g protein

Cool Wrap 660 calories 9 sat fat 43 g protein.

cobb salad w honey mustard 830 calories 13 sat fat 42 g protein 

 Golden Chick 

Just the salads. with fat free Italian extra tenders would be preferred for the macros.

tender salad + extra tender 515 calories,7.5 sat fat 35 g protein 

   

We Locking In

 Okay soo after being pathetic for a week its time I actually pick myself up 

The Goal is 140 lb with my current BMI. I don't really fear rushing since my weight has been pretty consistent. but I need to change for the sake of my health. 

 

And I just wanna be slimmer. like that's the gist of it. I need to prove to myself my discipline is strong enough to actually do this. my under eating is causing my weight to stabilize and not change. since skipping meals and having small meals leads to brain fog and exhaustion this just aint working.

 

If I had to guess I could flux between the low thousands into maybe 3 thousand or higher on certain days with even worse macros.

 Im working on planning meals. but mainly enabling more meals. 

My Adhd makes stuff hard to plan so I'm needing to implement more casual ways of eating like more carbs and fiber.

 

it also makes it hard to eat as often as i would need to considering my anxiety can cause pretty bad nausea. I'll write more about this soon but

 AS OF NOW 

183 LBS

BMI 29.5 

Goal weight = 140 

difference = +40lbs 

Sunday, October 26, 2025

Like a Deer in headlights

 

 I love women with batshit insane body mods and tattoos. 

weird looking contacts and piercings are so charming to me. like they are only dressing for themselves plus they look really scary and scary women are hot.I love her primordial pouch lookin tummy fat. something triggers me when I see hangin belly fat idk i got issues.

 

time to mention the er.. dumpy in the room. cuz gaw damn I built her a bit wide. but she also has those cute gumdrop cups squished in her crop top. er and I gave her no bottoms cuz... we let that coochie BREATH!!   c 

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