Another Girl Drawing but I talk about my gender identity issues.

 Gender I hardly know her.

Another Womannnn!!!! gawd she's so pretty! the shadow work in this just makes her godlike so much. and I'm pretty proud of the fabrics. Pretty hairy? er Hairy and pretty. but anyways my gender dysmorphia has gotten pretty bad recently. Idk what made it so bad recently

It was enough to the point where I was researching HRT and looking at names and buying more makup I'm normally comfortable as nonbinary and even at that point I don't tell anyone about my pronouns. Just being in a red state and all I know this just leaves me open to endless judgement.  but I don't really make a big deal of my identity but I had just thought of so many relationships I wish i had if  i had not been a man. It's really getting to the point where I'm just uncomfortable with doing femme things and I just cant do them at all. but i wanna do it all. so fucking bad.

I just feel the burning judgement of others in the back of my head even as someone fem presenting. I still know im not respected as much as a masc presenting man. or just being treated like they are walking on eggshells and they are all extra nice to me. its fucking condescending .i'm not really wearing mascara. I don't have my hair in a girlish style. I'm just wearing a costume. I could never really wear these girly things. I could never be her. God.. I'm okay I'm not having any thoughts of self harm or anything. I just think the healthiest thing to do is just. commit to my transition. I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I will just update you as I continue this. thank you for reading.