Husky Lady ;3

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How Perfect Your Hips Fit Into My Grip.

Lifting and The Bulk have refreshed my hormones

And I thought I felt Horny before that... yeahhh I'm feeling pretty great on the bulk considering the last 6 months I have not even been close to maintenance.

So I would imagine my Test, and other hormones were doing horrid things. so I'm feeling like it's back, and I'm feeling goddamn Animalistic almost. It's well represented in this drawing I would say. a veiny thick set of hands on a girls hips, hands that are fully in control of her. eyes begging for more, or begging for mercy. either way she's getting all of it.

Messy hair, like she had already been quite battered by this point. aware of the hands potential, she begs with her eyes.

yeah this whole lifting thing is getting to my head :3 it's okey everyone it's still the same me :3  

   

Bulking Blog 07-20-26

So I'm finally taking the dive and going for the bulk, My biggest fear was the idea of gaining weight on purpose. That for all the time I spent dieting, I'm just sort of throwing it away. Which... yeah it's a dumb fear to have to reasonably I'm starting the bulk

My surplus is somewhere near 2400 so Naturally I require a surplus, and that's near 2,700 - 3,000 which, naturally sounds like a fuck ton. but that's given that I normally eat 1,300 to 1,600 a day. but I would imagine this is what has somewhat made my body only just sorta become more "toned" rather than put on mass, can't really build much off of 1,300 cals. even if I'm hitting protein.

It's my second day, and truthfully. I'm having a good time truthfully, My performance working out has been great. I've been really focused on my macros, as to avoid the "Dirty bulk". My diet is still majority whole foods and unprocessed foods.

 

So, I'm Kinda excited to learn if a bulk or the cut after is gonna be hard, I'm planning to do this for at least 5-6 months, that will of course be decided as I continue. of course a huge change sounds like an adventure to me so naturally I'm really hyped. Bulking is something i never planned to be the first thing I do. like I said it's something that can really get out of control if you don't understand nutrition. so now having a somewhat better understanding, I feel safer doing this.  

A Great Sickness Has Taken Me

My yearly head cold has taken me and I'm in the thick of it. It's rather odd the level fatigue is so high, enough to where I cannot write as fast as I wish I could.

To mention again, it is yearly. rather odd to me. that I have such a bad bout of sickness. I spent 2 weeks with an illness of this draining with a foggy dead brained wish that I would over come it. I remember pushing greatly through mental strain and joint weakness working the hardest job I've had.

This feeling is somewhat nostalgic, the brain fog is oddly comforting. there's alot to be stressed about but I simply do not have the energy to worry. I do have a good reason to just not overwhelm myself.

 

I'm going to the doctors tomorrow cause a fatigue and massive break will make me lose lean mass, I'm already down to high 150s. and I'm Insuring I get high protein and higher calories in order to prevent further loss, with no health insurance I'm afraid of what my options are looking to be. I know it will be expensive, but I just don't know how much.

currently I have 5k in savings, which I hope to NOT take a big divot out of. other times I visited it was not over 500$ so lets just hope.... it's something reasonable. 

Millipede

 I Wuv Body Horror 

Given I'm somebody that has a strange relationship with my body, Body horror calls to me in many ways. In the way I intend to change myself, like in a "The Substance" type way.

And also how much my body has been Viewed in a lewd way in the past, the urge to make myself disgusting out of spite. I think alot of girls can relate to that given women's affinity to body horror in which it means something deeper than just, Scary bugs n stuff...

I think it has alot to do with my asexual feelings right now, while of course there is a passion in my heart. At the time it just seems like something so far fetched that, I don't crave intimacy with another person.

It just feels like something, fantasy. like a movie or something out of a Junji Ito comic, I know it makes me sound like a loser.

 

This really does kinda look like a horror movie cover which I had kinda just noticed, I would hand alot to it would be the metal type typography. and as it goes, It's of course really hard to read. It's just supposed to be my artist alias, but given the ability to read, it takes some dissecting. 

I did all the spikes and kerning really right, so overall really awesome sauce. 

 

 

Bug Blog 07-06-26

 The Boy Rot Has Continued.

I had another rejection and a particularly brutal rejection that just made me recluse further than I ever have before, thankfully the more merciful one had come first before the other.

Just the simple one I'm used to at this point, that she's just processing things. But the other felt of a humiliation ritual, that I drove out to where we promised to meet up only to learn she had blocked me. this is the one I still think of the most. that my value is so low I can simply be tossed aside like that, perhaps worse than rejection.

So now I am back in my shell, deep in my shell. I don't want to date anyone or anything. especially something that values me so lowly, It makes me feel so weak to even think about it.

 Personal Aesthetics 

This is purely narcissism, I don't intend to attract nor impress foids. that yeah it may attract more girls, It's literally only for my body, why the fuck should I not revile in that. I'm doing it for my fav most sweetest boy, ME! I WANT TO BE A BIG HIMBO PRETTY BOY. 

Thankfully it is working, I'm at my lowest hovering around 160 and now after reducing my sodium intake it's reduced my water weight and retention. I'm thinking of just going for the bulk considering I do have the method in which I can actually lose weight. but perhaps I should only wait until winter.

Right now the emphasis is on sodium reduction and sweating in order to slim down, and of course high protein and low calories for fat reasons.

 "The Artists' Obvious Kink" 

Femdom is something that's been in my mind all month. Especially in the later weeks of the month, It was a rather unhealthy obsession. One that I still indulge in, I love it so much.the thing making me so consistent in my weight training has been the masochistic factor of it. that if my trainer were wearing heels I'd Finish do every set until failure.

naturally given everything, my self worth is questionable. I'm still proud of what I've created and my health and aesthetics have Improved alot this month. so yes I'm a loser bottom bitch girl slut.... but I'm also super happy with my art output and personal health and aesthetics :3   

My Life a Rage Comic.

 She The Awesome Sauce On The Epic Burger. 

I love this derpy little nerd look she has, gaw she is so adorable. that shy dimply smirk. in an pose with such a grace that can only be compared to an awkward giraffe, her extremities bowed and arching. 

 

a puffy mound patched in full and dark hair, the same hair that sprinkles her body. perhaps there be a reason as to why she is dressing down, that is only the peachy face of a very koi girl.       

maybe shy or insecure but she has no reason to, such a pretty slender body. so womanly in her existence that even unintentionally, she draws me in no matter what. no need to pose or present her assets, It turns me on so much :3   

Sticker Slap.

 Been a Long Time 

Had to drop by the post office for a reason and naturally, I swiped some shipping labels. I mean they are free but I did nab quite a bit, hehe~.

 

I used to use these stickers alot for graffiti stuff when I was younger, they are really fun to work with especially when you stick them together to make a bigger sticker. they are just paper so they are not very durable... but they can really just go up anywhere. 

but like given the fact that it takes so long to make these. It's kinda hard to use them lol. Like thinking about what surface would be so worthy as to accept such a drawing.

 

I love the drawing as well, a slim chubby goth girl! her little muffin top is so fucking hawt :3. and those little Hershey kiss cups are so suckable hehe. I always love little cups, especially pierced. and naturally I had to include my name sake as every graffiti artist must. I never got much of a writing style outside of tagging, bubbles and throw ups.

the complex mural style writing is something I could not wrap my lil brain around.    

The Boy Slut Duo :3

 Something submissive possessed me... 

I drew both of these right after another. I really love this first one. I love the pose of being lower than a woman, On my knees or on the floor. enough for me to look up at her, and so she can look down at me.

I love it, Of course it's a form of expressing obedience and domination. so beautiful to see wide hips in a relaxed and strong pose, just the nice and thick legs in leather. holding the face in a loving way, with those sharp acrylics on a thin a mature hand. that in all her darkness she has such mercy for her sweet boy. 

He really is so cute in this. I wish I had put a proper collar on him but all I could do was a little choker but I still like it, perhaps the choker could represent a collar. but being so obedient he only needs to show he is owned.

 ugghhhh heels~~~~ 

in the same way I LOVE acrylics... I fucking love heels so much. the sharper and taller, the better. I turn into such a slut to hear that clack, step after step. in spandex or not, to see strong mature feet in those, ughhhghgfjhndf. Again such a good fufing poseeeuhhh, just him on the floor somewhat tense. She just toys with him, running those heels up and down the inside of his thigh.

 

Perhaps my next pieces will be based on arms cause... this was very Legs and thighs, I love it. Given that I struggle so much with eye contact, I normally only have the bravery to view a woman from her feet to her midsection. anything further and I know my gaze would be known, I still love it though. I love to view such rotund legs and the feet in which carries all of her, Okay now I sound really creepy sorry 

The Passion In My Heart is Overflowing Again.

I'm feeling weak again, that I should just ball up and cry in a girls arms. I tried hinge again... I know, I'm disappointed of myself again, had only one girl talk to and then ignore me. I had questioned my female friend as to why I'm treated the way I am.

She could only guess I sound "girly" when I'm texting, all a friend could tell me. watching out for my feelings of course but it still hurt enough for me to think of it now. I really am just too girly I guess, and this is what I deserve for what I am. just a stupid sissy that wants emotional reassurance, such a foolish thought. such a foolish parasitic like thought, one that puts an intense round heat around my heart, to feel the pressure behind my eyes and a sulking feeling in my stomach to realize I must again, hold it in.

To maybe hold it off until my pillows are the only witness, to where I fold and melt. heaving and sobbing holding all around me so tight, blankets over and Plushies so close yet I only warm the bed, so share warmth. Is something far more intimate I could think of, far more than I could write or draw. Something So warm, a throbbing heart running blood through something so beautiful. heating up so much to where her musk drowns my nose, so close to know her essence in every way. perhaps touching at the knees or the elbows to be so close in bed, where the heat is so far more present. oh so soft, I could not remember to describe it. I wish my memory indulged in such a feeling, enough for me to still remember.

There's such a hunger in my heart, I can't do it. Putting an ounce of thought into it, the pressure in my chest. I get so weak, a thirst that could only be quenched by a drop.