Boy Hobbies Are Sooo Boring.

 I mean There really is better things to be doing... 

 

The prospect of me possibly having a sugar daddy BUT I'd have to tag along with his golfing just makes me really wanna reconsider the lifestyle of a bimbo. 

 

Might just have to join the trades like a real man. so that's pretty tragic to me. but she's so hawt thooooo.

 

I would imagine a boredom so deadly you'd become lustful And that's like the idea. . I'm like really starting to like drawing bimbos again. the Ayesha is really hitting n ts got me ovulating.

Bug Blog 10-30-25/11-30-25

 THE MENTALLY ILL DOUBLE FEATURE 

So like pretty much right after I wrote my last blog My "boyfriend" broke up with me. I say that cause he considered it a friends with benefits thing but naturally.. It effected me personally.

 

It sent me into  pretty bad spiral that whole month. I did not make a blog like in this style but I did kinda make several trauma dump posts. I was so sensitive that month I had grown an attachment to laika the space dog and would cry almost anytime I'd think of her or see anything related to her.

 

Like i was just so weak and unstable there were really times where I did not know if it was gonna get better. which obviously things will always change but that I idea just could not manifest in my brain. I even changed my view of my femininity and masculinity.

 

Around this time I also started to think more about dieting. and finally committed and started a calorie deficit. I had my other projects going on too. My depressive episodes would turn on and off but at that point I got more and more stable. 

 

and er kinda embarrassing but I joined tik tok. Instagram fucking sucks with discoverability so tik tok was just a better pick for meeting other artists. and it's been really fun so far.    

 

Work again has been just pretty boring. but that's a good thing. It actually got me to do more physical things and recently I have even been weight training too. I mean it's cause building muscle can aid in fat loss and joint support. I had thought cardio was the the key but still I really need to build my arms more cause I'm in like twink status

 

I taught myself death metal style vocals :33 I actually did a cannibal corpse cover and all. I'm using the inhale distortion technique. I can get like super deep and guttural. but can't really get like fry shouting high. I don't really plan to be a vocalist but it's still really fun to do.

 

This month started with my lowest low so like naturally anything after that would feel pretty good. and I'm FEELING ITTTTT IM IN MY WHORE ERAAAA. slimming down to be a pretty boy is like thee goal!!! slim down pretty up and date dominant womennnnnn!!!! 

 

Or like any girl like i said slut eraaaa~~~~~    

I'M TRYNA FOLD A BIH NO PAPER

*click to view*

 the sad bitch era has been put aside for my boy slut era    

finally getting my shit together after the break up got me like.... mad lovey dovey. I need like a date badddduhhjnfjkfnkj I ain't tryna date no mens neither. this was a pose I have drawn before but just redid it cause it's such a pretty and cute pose. 

 

The legs act as a boarder and frame the face. with those leading down to a pretty pussy and hole. I really like it. and I just added the filigree for that art deco early hippie aesthetic. which I'm leaning into more and more since becoming more aware with health and wellness. 

 

WHAT WOULD REALLY HELP MY WELLNESS WOULD BE SOM LEGS OVER MY SHOULDERS AYEEEEEE. hehe~ okay aside that.... going against the American food industrial system is like my thing now cause they really are poison to us. and understanding basic nutrition would cripple these companies. so please learn and inform yourself. and eat some pussy too. essential er.... minerals and antioxidants and good bacteria.... yeahhhhhh 

Blooming.

 "hands and or rope will restrain.

 I know you love me, and love the pain 

 though your no sounds like a yes

 pretty in ropes, far more than a dress" 

 

This is like top tier from me. I've loved shibari and restraints for a long long time. just how it represents a trust in your partner and a great use of dynamics in a role play or just normal scene. 

 

Other than that I use filigree and The blooming flower to represent a females gentle attraction. as the dew drips from the flower she also drips dew of nectar. it really does feel incredible to be bound like that. the anticipation and lust overcomes you. it's why she just faces down, overcome with intense lust.

 

her perky breasts point up with heart shaped areolas.which are just adorable. and bar piercings of course, they are just such cute accessories to the breasts and draw the eye more than breasts already do. quite incredible really.

 

I'm also really proud of the filigree. finally nailed the more traditional leaf like filigree. it looks kinda rough but I just think it helps the artwork alot. it's just so goddamn pretty. I do have some ropes of my own and have practiced shibari. I would recommend researching alot before even trying since misuse of shibari could lead to circulation and nerve issues    

whatever the boss says....

 Something inside me... just snapped. 

zerm my femdom addiction is... Well I can't really say relapsed but.. I just love it. I mean girlboss yes! like being the assistant or secretary of a mature boss lady is what I'd go to college for if it was a 4 year course.

 

So the under the desk collar idea was lie so hot to me. like the perfect position for eating box under the table on demand is soooo hawtttjnsdkfj especially for a woman built that nice.... Gaw damn when a black pencil skirt shows a girls chub off. RUFF RUFF FUCKKKCNDKJAFLJJN~~~~ fuckkkkk she's so pretttyyyy This is like barley legible I know but You'd get alot less outa me if I were to speak it. cuz it would all be giggles and stuttering.    c 

The guilt of existance

 To boil it down before I get into it. 

If you are a parent that openly tells and rants about how hard and expensive being a parent is in order to guilt your child. the guilt will follow, follow after you are long gone. thinking maybe mom maybe would have been happier if i never happened.

 

She's only like this cause she is so stressed, it's why I don't talk to you when you slam things. staying in my room for hours cause your footsteps are different. knowing if I step out I suddenly have not been doing anything all day. and that I need to hear everything that she has been doing to keep us housed.

 

hearing that more than I love you has permanently effected me. in senses of commitment, one mistake and suddenly I'm 7 and I know Someone is gonna yell at me for this. I don't think I'm enough for anyone. even taking time out of someones day to try and talk to them felt as if what if they are stressed and only going to tell me of their problems. making me a bother.

 

it seemed my value was of just the work two people. when really it was the work of hundreds if not thousands. the thousands that only wanted to help and root for your success. ones that only wanted the best for you. these people never turned you down, never made you feel valueless. though you may feel guilty for being gifted such incredible people. it is for the sake of your own growth that you spoil yourself with those loving people.

 

teachers I had not seen the faces of in years investing and encouraging my creativity. random people doing nice things. conversations with co workers. deep talks with those close to you. all the time and even money people have invested in you only for you not to see it?

 

It's scary I know. everything is seeming like you should just drop everything and not care. like we are just pebbles in space at the mercy of nature. we are humans and the mercy of each other so fucking treat one another like it.

 

I hope this helps you see the value in yourself. I love you, I just know you can do it. and make it out.

she ain't no Laundromat but she shure got some hangers.

 bewbs!!! 

This was pretty simple tbh. but it's that dark skin that do it!! I don't er really have much to say other than it was really fun to draw cause I love boobs.

 I can also talk about something that is weighty and lovely 

me :3 I'm on a calorie defect of 1500 a day and up to 2400 on high calorie days but those are twice a week. Plus weight training and some resistance training i should be losing about 1.5 pounds a week. SHOULD is the word. but I know there could be alot of flaws in my diet and it won't be perfect on the first try. but I've been watching close on my calories and lifting and I feel incredible

HOLY SHIT WHEN WAS THE LAST UPDATE???

 Jojo... poor thing. 

The biggest mistake I made this month was watching this movie at work. I have some ties with jojo in the sense of my young early radicalization. I was not to the degree of jojo but to understand the people I defended really did not care for me or even hated me really changed me.

 

Jojo rabbit does incredible work at understanding how weak propaganda is if you really think or understand. but that realization may be far to late for you to undo your actions.

 some more studies 

don't ask abt the girl in the corner.... please. this day was actually pretty interesting alot of flights got cancelled so alot of car reservations ended up not coming. I reckon I did two pages on this day. I did another still life study of a bell pepper. I really like it but I know the contrast could be stronger.

 

This day was still pretty scary too cause there was a TON of fog which made the flight delay a ton and I got to talk to alot of stranded travelers. always love to chat and stop and talk with someone. it's like time will wait for us to talk about the weather and where my grandma used to live and the places we have been. it's real fun.

 The mandatory GOONER PAGE 

Yeahhh okay mother gothel may have been the villain BUT SHE'S MY PRINCESS OKAY. with my mommy issues her obsessive and manipulative personality ZOMG SHE CAN DO THAT TO MEEEEEEE

 

plus she is such a mature HOTTIEEEE she got them crows feet and defined cheek bones and smile lines RAHHHHH damn!!! I drew her in something more modern cause of course her dress in the movie FUCKS. I just KNOW she'd look so good. AND SHE DOES.

 

I also had a moment with drawing robot girls. as someone that often troubleshoots tech the ideas for what a robot person can do is like limitless. thinking about technician x robot stories or robots getting "hacked" this is pretty basic puppy hypnosis.

 FRANCINE LEMME HIT PLEASEEE 

THE MILF TRAIN AIN'T NEVER GON STOP. I really Like Francine. she's always been one of my fav adult cartoon moms. other than marge but that's cause marge has genuine motherly instincts and its adorable.Francine is just what I want my femme energy to be. 

 

More damn robot stuff. I drew a humanoid IDOG cause my friend said so. she's really cute. another drawing is of this girl I saw on tik tok and was really obsessed with her facial structure. so of course I drew her. 

 puppy? 

deez mfrs could not keep me off the LEASH. Just had a cute idea of a lil puppy girl having a brain melt cause she's on a leash. and ANOTHER portrait of a tik toker. this time it was because she did some really sick metal covers.

 

She introduced me to inhale technique and its what I currently use to do death metal covers. which is really cool. and there's like a half done sketch of kim pines i think from the scott pilgrim movie.

I love girls with strong facial features. like plastic surgeons will see a girl with a square jaw line and mald.

 BUNUY!! SHAHAHAUNDUIN 

ANOTHER TIK TOK PERSON I'M SORRYYY I like scroll alot when im bored at work so like I get alot of my ideas from that. but cmon this is a carnival typa strong woman. like they have the hammer and do all the "strongman" tricks. she is BUILT ASFFFF like body goallsssss. 

 

and there is some bunuys!!! I love bunnies so much. little big ear babiesssss..... I've just been obsessed with prey animals since I've just kinda regressed into my rather docile personality. I've been working on a diet to slim down and also try and gain some muscle. not in an obvious gym bro type of way I just know there is some bunnuys to protect out there. Might have to stop a truck from hitting a deer.

 

It's been incredible to see deers more often since I work close to a forest cause they just walk around alot. they are just so cute and pure.

 Oh nah the lesbeans are being weird again 

This is just something I find oddly romantic. not really sexual really. but it's still pretty hawt heheh~~

 

the other is my bastard pony sona again. the friendship is magic kinda style just kinda pugifies the pony by making the nose pretty stubby. I mean I do kinda prefer the 80s version but I love doodling in the friendship is magic style. and then The REAL version. real horse anatomy to me is just really funny. Like horse reaction images are just my fav thing ever in the world.

 I LOVE SCARY GIRLS!! 

I have really gotten tired of weird kid "fashion" stuff like scene and emo is just a costume for people and people outside of that scene treat it as such. thus makes the conservative men want a "goth girl".

I just love when goth girls do not care to cater to men or anyone really. Like overly aggressive makeup and overkill piercings gah I just love it so much.

 

Speaking of men.... THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ZOMG. old people must have the worst gaydar ever. cause how did they not know the village people were the biggest gay himbos ever.

 Heyyy postal boyzzzz~~~ 

I was just thinking about the postal dude in a thin black athletic shirt and i jnounsidniujg gguf GAHHHHHH!!!!

 

sorri not to get all rabid about it but DAMN. I drew the other long hair guy and did not really mean it to kinda look like the postal 1 guy. but it's like close enough. I'm kinda recovering from an artblock right now and I think you can kinda see that it starts here.

 

I mean I never know when artists are going through artblock but lemme tell you I could tell I was from this drawing

 Did I mention my depressive episodes are flaring up again? 

Holy edgelord batman. I really gotta say 2010-2018 was like the peak of my interest in mascot/subversive internet horror. and the peak of all of it was with DDLC. I thought the dating game genre subversion was incredible. and the deaths were pretty brutal. and the oddly realistic one was sayori's death.

 

the other girls had somewhat scary death scenes but like for something that has no blood and no obvious signs of struggle Sayori's death has to be the most brutal of DDLC.

 

er idk the actors name but she was really good to study for facial proportions.

 DEATH GRIPS IS ONLINE.  

I've been doing backflips since the new album announcement from death grips about them working on the new album. I had been convinced that death grips just was not gonna be a thing after the final tour and andy leaving the group

 

For the almost 7 years I've known the group they have influenced me alot. it might not show but my style would be very different without them. and here is sidney sweeny being a lizard person. I miss when the worst drama a celeb would have would be their association with Illuminati and not reinforcing nazi dog whistles.

 

I really don't care about her I just love to be judgemental to people that don't worry about their rent.

 My Fursona.... 

My sona is an excuse to crossdress not to be a stupid raccoon. I don't really have the money to test with women's fashion at all so I'll just have to settle with my sona dressing like a slut.

 

Creepy girlllsss. goth pastel will never not seem like melene martenez core to me. but I love it so much doeeee. I wanna do more work with goth pastel cause i love using pastel colors but still wanna draw creepy stuff.

 

I only did one page on this day.I'm not trying to rush this book but my output is certainly slowing down and I just gotta adjust to that.

 A Brick Shit House  

I love me some brown girls what moe can I say. Girl in the bangs and curls is giving like old barbie Nicki when she was still weird and did not fold to the "baddie" type of fashion.

 

speaking of baddie!!! there is some ass here!!! not much a fan of drawing ass cause like it's hard to draw the face too. and I'd rather have the face than the ass so I don't really draw women from the back often. 

 

I mean ass is cool with me tho its nice soft and often voluptuous. when I do draw ass I normally draw cellulite and stretch marks cause I mean ass is just fat and muscle so its all natural.

 HEAVY METAL BABES 

I love 80s pinup girls. I reckon I have said that before but I'll be here to say it again. I love those hair spray hotties. and she's quite the example. Now this is why they call a guitar an AXE.

 

this is really hair metal!! I'd take this over faux pop punk any day. hair metal dudes really were the drag queens of their day. not in a queer sense i guess but they sure did love their cross dressing and makeup not that there is anything wrong with that!!       

 

Body Of Honey

 Erm Time to be pathetic again :33  

so I'm talking to this person and yeahhh... she's been at the forefront of my mind for a while now. like i said.. pretty pathetic but i can't help but be emotional because I have not felt a connection like this in a while. not something that felt like an obligation or something not something that is sexually fulfilling just... idk pure attraction.

 

something almost addictive and pure like sweet honey. something about her makes me speak embarrassing things but I can't help but say it. but after being through one of the most loveless relationships that connection and attraction even in terms of friendship has drawn me out from my dark hopeless isolation. 

 

This is something I would not tell her directly really. the weight of my depressive episode and disparity for human connection would be too much. I'm still just processing everything though. I reckon I've made my disparity pretty clear to her I had drawn for her and showered her in compliments. it was way too early to do all that.

 

I'm just scared of doing something that could scare her away or forever regress me to a creep or something. But talking to her somehow that fear drains away and I somehow say what I'm really thinking. if you can somehow guess this is you and you are reading this...

 

I don't mean to use this as some malicious intent. and please do not think you are at fault for any of my feelings or thoughts. I'm sorry.I'm coming off of a really bad relationship in which I am still processing and changing.    

hehe~~ robot girlssss

 to be the technician working on a scared whimpering robot girl... 

I wondered in the same way people are scared of the doctors robots would be the same way. no matter how gentle you are she's still a little scared. she's so cute too 

I drew this is a brand new sketchbook I will be writing about that soon. and actually some new sketch books my mom found in storage.