A New Book. And A New Era
I'm a new person starting this book. Becoming an adult in this world is very daunting. with everything going on. It's just hard to find hope. A very different person compared to last year.
This book is gonna be a bit more personal. I'll be writing excerpts of my feelings of that day. I'm not much of a journaling person but I thought it could help me with... something idk. Something I can read back on and understand how I was feeling that day.
Subby Bunny
First drawing was me in ropes... Yeah my sexuality has not toned down. but it's where I find myself as the sub in all situations.
Degradation and Femdom. as which is a more recent topic of my artwork. The two other subjects in this page are two mature women.
I mean someday I'll learn. I did the same thing with wanting to date older men. I just feel safer with older women. Not like I'd ever have a chance but they just don't have the expectation for men my age to be very vulnerable. I feel some sense of pity and disgust when I open up to a girl my age. But I've had comfort from older women. So much more understanding I just love it. Not to mention. older women are really hot. Always so well built and thick. amazonian almost.
Office Gals Are The Best.
I always think of my mom's coworkers, or receptionists of past doctors trips, and nice teachers when I see this type of formal wear.
I know it's strange but It's what I grew up with and somehow got attached to. Very kind and attractive women to me.
Maybe I should just live in fantasy and just imagine these women would treat me with a loving warmth. since the last older guy I dated treated me like shit. I mean at this point the odds are as much as me meeting a girl my age. This new dating generation is really scary. I just know older women like honest and open men. where it feels like I'm supposed to be all shut off and emotionless to talk to girls nowadays.
Not to be incel about it. I'm just saying what I'm Seeing.
Horror Gals
04-18-26
"I Still feel like shit after I stopped talking to a girl after she ignored me for the last 3 Days. 3 girls have done that to me this year ,just talking and talking until nothing.
I just wish I was atleast worth a rejection text. Just tossed aside. It's so draining on myself worth."
I could only wish Carrie would stay in that feeling of being welcome. finally not judged by all those in her life. before her absolute worst moment. I could just wish. and my other fav horror gal. Wendy from the shining. I remember watching It. I just remember how goddamn weird it is. I mean she did not really do anything to justify what happens to her.
Especially the actor herself. She deserved better. But I can only make her an icon for myself.
04-19-26
"I wish one day I'll Write my happy ending into this book. Or the start of some dumb love story. I wish this was a story, Then I'd know being a good person would actually get me everything I wanted.
No fangs, Too scared I know. But it's the only way I'd want to live. My fear tarnished some friendships at this point. It's never the same when you are just another guy"
I drew zach hill. he's a really cool artist and has been a huge inspo to me since I started listening. even though it's sparse I do really enjoy his photography. From his insta he's had several photoshoots. So strange and outsider, I just can't help but love it.
The other is just this Cyclop Kirigumi Girl. If you don't know Kirigumi Is a specific type of cosplay. specifically being anime girls. a key part being the plastic masks and wigs.
The term chud has taken a rather interesting turn. From when I first heard it the term chud was a derogatory term for members of the alt right.
A Unique Blend of chronically online political christian leaning beliefs. the new version of the term is just short hand for loser.
The Mainstream is nearing closer and closer to political extremism so much that 4chan terms enter the vernacular so often. from being a site most people write off and actively hate people derive a portion of their personality to it without even noticing. I guess I'm just too chronically online to notice the origin of these saying in the first place...
I been crying alot recently. and as a sad horny bitch I just drew a porn star with running eyeliner. Life fucks me so much I'm two cameras away from being a film star.
04-20-26
