Last Month was fucking terrifying
It all started with a dream of My Ex. I had written about it in the last blog. that it just did not feel right and really did seem like the month was going to be tainted.
If Only I had known. It brought me to a point of self worth that I thought I could never see myself in again. Dating is fucking horrible. especially for someone as soft as me.
I just don't think I'm built to commit that much to people who clearly don't care about me. or to afraid to lose people I care to much for.
I was just writing so much and crying myself home every other night. it was so much but I hoped it would pay off in some sorts but nothing.
I have a different view of it now but it just sucked in the moment. I knew it was gonna suck in the moment. that maybe I would learn something from it and be a better person after all of it. I feel like I'm still being taught that lesson. and I don't know when it will end.
I can only be stronger, cause I know it's not getting better, still at the same spot as the beginning of the month. chasing a feeling from a dream. maybe that is a fools errand.
A New Project
I finally finished the sketchbook at had been working on. really sad for it to catch me at such a bad time. so much that the last pages were just my masochistic and pathetic feelings in drawings. not that the beginning of the other book was all fun again.
I started writing into the book rather than just blogging a ton. just making it Journaling instead. Starting the new book just made me that much more aware of change. I really do feel like an entirely different person that started the last book. Which Is a nice thing considering this new book is going to be very different from the last thus the evolution of art and me as a person.
Moving Moving Moving!
