Bug Blog 06-06-26

 He's Rotting You Know... 

I had an incident happen with a close friend. to where She Lied to me to where I did not want to speak to her anymore.

 

Lying about how she was not in the mood for dating anybody but had been talking to others as she told me that. it was not anything I would do to a friend so i called it at that. I do not speak to her. at this point I would only accept an apology. and only that.

 

Then I realized. all that I worked for. everything I changed. was for nothing. So I really Don't care anymore. it was somewhat liberating truthfully. I'm on a diet right now. I cut my hair. and I'm no longer comfortable with the man I was.

 

with what was left of me. I realized this just is not me. I really need to become a better person myself. before I let some girl mistreat me again. maybe it's flaws everyone sees. I'm done with fear. done with being comfortable with my horrid traits. I need to change. 

 

back to being what I really want to be. I really deviated so far to perform for girls. not that they are wrong for not enjoying the fake me. it was wrong for me to perform in the first place.

 

I look like shit and I feel it. So why look any better than I feel. My ED kicked in HARD. I don't like lifting anymore. I'm done with this idea that I'm gonna be a "strong man" considering I'm never gonna be the man.

 

I'm so happy to be living on my own. It's made my hygiene SO much better. I shower almost everyday. IDC hairdressers YOU try having thin course hair that looks oily by the end of the day. and having my small fridge with cute food and skinny girl snacks. I feel incredible.

 

I am not normal and that's okay. I've spent to much time being helpless trying to conform to norms i will never match. Not that I'm content with being what I am it's that I'll never be the beef head emo faggot the foids want. I only intend to be better than them. both the narcissist foids and metrosexual male to male Transexuals. It really feels I've wasted my year being a helpless little bitch. some hopeless romantic only basing his worth on fucking women. I'm done.

 

It's really time for me to actually have a fucking backbone. I'm spending some time to read philosophy. Soren Kierkegaard specifically. His work has alot to do with the individual man, and how he may find his purpose. I'm just starting on his work so I have only a basic idea of his work. I know I'm not special for this sort of rebirth. so it's whatever. my fear of being the same has taken so much from me.

 

I'm also done with sharing my new composition book. only excerpts of interesting drawing but due to me entries being far too personal and that I will also use the book to study and write notes of Soren. So like... Yeah it's not just drawings anymore so we are packing that up 

 

TLDR; A bitch lied, I was a bitch about it. I'm done with being a bitch :3. c.