I Wonder that if I were given to a new body that my qualities would bear more fruits, but I stop to recognize I must be content with the absolute.
Maybe this is a delusion, I truly could be a horrid state of person and be none the wiser. thus lies the complex, If I truly were a better person I would have more than average or the minimum. For me It's how I see my life at the moment. that for my qualities I wish I had more.
My obedience of social norms, My obedience of crime. doing the right thing, being nice and only turning belly up for girls. do I see it as a foolish task to see those lives I avoid thriving? I had talked to a coworker, A very sweet girl, and she only dates men in prison. For I don't know the reason why, I know she is better than to not, but why?
Another girl at her own admission turned me down for the sake of not wanting to date but then again mentioning that her manipulative Ex could convince her to date him again. She again is a girl I know to be better than that. This times the thousands of examples I've seen in my life it really makes me question my obedience.
I consider it obedience for I feared stepping out of line. There always was something I wanted but nothing I deserved. yes I did wish to hold the hand of hers, yes I did wish to perhaps hold her in my hands. but would I perhaps tap into some form of manipulation? or conditioning or some form of modern dating tactics? No, I must remain obedient to her. I am always at their mercy.
I feel like I have all the right things, a Job, home, an almost paid off car. I am sweet and very empathetic, mindful, educated on women's issues. and for all of this, I still feel great shame for existing in the presence of a woman. I can only hope I had confidence. How coincidental the tall ones are so funny and that those with a great personality have such pretty faces. how coincidental...
"A Woman's love is nothing but dissimulation and weakness" and for this I've just decided to stop putting the effort into them anymore. This is not meant to be some sort of manifesto or the writings of an Incel. Women deserve their right to not choose me, and the right to choose whoever, And to point out the flaws of man. this is simply to point out some of the wrongs.
