God Never Taught Me To Love Myself So I Did.

This one Is gonna be a bit more serious

being from the south and of a Mexican background religion has always been in my life. from small things like how we talk to others to how death and morality is viewed. but the idea of sin and the views of god are something that is very cemented into a person that grows up with these ideas in their life

 

Even with light critical thought from when i was younger I thought the idea of sin was flawed. but critical thinking does not change the views of those around you so things like sloth and lust were very much scrutinized. this tracks with our current American culture 

These very natural urges and often times survival instincts are  evil and sinful and the remedy would be seeing the fires and punishment for all eternity,

 

I had always been resistant to religion since I was young. and soon resentful when I had later found out in my life that I was gay. also coming up poor the temptation for sins like envy and greed are unavoidable. I just never felt that I was sin free. nothing more than a sinner in gods eyes. Homosexuality is something I could never cleanse myself of. judgement from others will follow with me. it will be forever a disease on my life. 

 

but this also brings the idea that all humans are born in sin and valueless until being saved by the lord and understanding the word of god. 

The basis of Christianity being guilt and judgement makes me feel horrid. even not being devoted religion was made as morality in my mind for years seeing it all around it follows me and always holds that "what if" power in my mind. I know In my mind I will never reach salvation. such helplessness just is so draining. 

 it was further into my life that I had saw some of Trevor Polemans work with his video series belief it or not I finally understood how flawed Christianity really is and how self value is effected by religion. and it's where it finally clicked with me.

 

I really do deserve to life this one life as I please. never have I heard that I should put my own mental and physical health above this flawed god. And I am the one to give my own life value and purpose. I am deserving of things. not born in sin but born as a human.