Down. And I don't know when I'll be up

 Last night was another episode that will
certainly leave me down for the coming days. 

I wish I knew but It's always something that finds it's way into my life again. It's brought me back down. down to something I never wished to see again. though I knew it was inevitable. 

 

I fucking hate myself more than anything else for thinking about a guy that just thinks of me as some boy he fucked for a couple of months. Nobody has talked to me the way he does since he left. not a touch or kiss since he left, so dumb it's so fucking stupid.

 

I got prettier and skinnier and changed so much but just something in my stupid fucking brain just misses the pretty names he had for me. his disgusting, but I think I'm dirtier for missing that treatment. this is stupid pathetic and any other sad label to write and admit this.

 

I don't want to do anything. I never wished or thought I would be back into an episode like this. my emotions are extra sensitive and I just break down into moments where I just don't have real control of my emotions.

 

I just know I'm strong enough to wade this out but I have people close to me that can certainly help me. I just know I'll see the energy I had at one point.