I'm supposed to hate you.

I'm supposed to hate you but Something about my horrid disparity just makes me wish I could hear him call me those pretty names,

 

I'm supposed to hate you. To just have one chance to be in his arms again, in those disgusting hands, to share one last kiss. I wish to remain ignorant to his vain and perverted love. 

 

I'm supposed to hate you, but I can't help but think of you. it's been months yet I have not had another person treat me any better than him. I've been trying so much, so hard. It just seems he could be the only person to put up with whatever the fuck is wrong with me.

    

I'm supposed to hate you, I just wish someone would have some pure love for me. I don't want fucking sex I fucking hate it I just want a connection that makes me feel warm. not something that makes me feel nasty. and to know this is  the only love I know makes me feel disgusting.

 

I'm supposed to hate you, I wish I did. maybe someone could treat me worse then you'd just be puppy love to me. you are my only love, my first time my closest connection. is that something I can just throw away. no.

 

I just want to be treated better. I know I'm worthy of better treatment. I just can't stop thinking about him. what the fuck is wrong with me. I just need to forget him. I'm so mad with myself.  ff