I Fucked up again, again. Will the lost ever find their way...

 

 I'm a fucking whore  

I had been talking to this person for a while since they started talking to me. cause they were a friend of a friend. and they speak to me in a very sexual tone. which in some fucked way. I like.

 

Rather embarrassing and degrading actions thrust upon me in the form of text. I somehow find joy in that. After talking with them for a while it was last night that they heavily insisted I come over for a bit. and I thought well I really do like meeting new people in person so I should do that. considering it was past 12am I should have known better.

 

both watching Tv and they reach to grope me. they had been groping me the whole time I was over but, I love that attention. I just let it happen. they reach under my shorts and begin to touch me. no nothing,I went over. paid for my own food and laid there. and let it happen. like I always fucking do.

 

Something in my dumb whore mind just makes lewd thoughts appear something deeper than surface attraction. grabbing at my body and kissing at me all over. It makes me feel better at the time. but then I realize they had never said "I love you" or "you look so pretty like this". no gifts, cards, or a compliment.

 

I'm such a cheap bitch. I'm  so fucking embarrassed. I just wish someone really cared for me. I don't want sex anymore. I'm done, I hate my body. I did not think my self worth could just tank so fucking much within a couple of days. it's scary, I don't know what to do.