AHHH OH MY CARP I FORGOT
I had literally just noticed thinking about my blog.and did not do my monthly deal. Zerm... 11 days late.. better than not...
Rip in peace my Instasham
One of my post had gotten taken down and I just started to realize why do I put effort into platforms that would just erase my work cause I'm a NSFW artists so like... I just stopped and moved to bluesky. which is more welcoming to NSFW artists and still sticking to my blog. so yurp I Only use it to stay in touch with peoples but not to host my art.
Dating still sucks.
I mean I'm getting leads but nothing outside of that. just talking, well it's better than being ignored it's just weird how much it's happening. I just hope to find someone that will "tolerate" me since people just don't like my personality or something. Or I might just ditch my dating ideas and focus on me
which that's becoming more and more likely every day.
But hey let's not be a sad incel about it I've been meeting
more and more very nice a friendly peoples :3 Especially a girl I finally got to meet in person. she's like super awesome sauce and I was so happy to see her in person. and another person a friend knew and I have been talking to them too. my newfound confidence is making me way more social and I really love it.
I found that assumed judgement was keeping me from doing alot of things and now that it has kinda left me It just feels so good to start convos with random people and talking to new people.
I can't ignore my low point.
I regressed and thought about my ex... with the whole not having any success with dating effected my self worth and got me back to missing my ex in some fucked way. It was indeed pathetic but I just can't be confident that it won't happen again
Cause I had told myself it would not be a problem but it still did effect me. It's dumb I know and took a while to rebound. but I had since been back and I don't think I could ever consider that anymore. but then again... it's what I thought last time. and it's just hard to face this grief.
I CUT MY HAIR AGAIN :3333
I don't really have a pic of it right now... I'll update
this post when I get one. but Finally I reckon my hair was long enough to cut again since by then It was already down to the center of my back, and it was becoming intrusive again to where I almost wanted a pixie cut or something a little lower than my shoulders. so I did it, and cut a ton. now it's just what I wanted and I love it sooo mucchhhhh. it's all scuffed and layered so it seems pretty masculine.
I'm starting to wear eyeliner too and I'm goddamn obsessed with it. It's such a recent development that just like my hair I do not Have a good picture of it. It really draws my eyes out and makes me look like a slutty pornstar mess and I love it I love Ittttt!!!! :333
BODY!!!!!
I'm still a little husky but I am at 165-170 right now. but I would hope my body fat percentage is changing since I have not changed weight this month but I certainly look very different right now.
Here I am being a slut in a tank top. I'm using god's might to hold back some of my tummy. and I have been growing in my arms which is so awesome sauce. especially in my forearms. but considering my arms were already like super super thin I can't really flex about getting average arms.
But it feels goddamn incredible to reach a somewhat athletic
body. I'm mainly just planning to train with my high volume low reps to just build more but I do not plan on the bulk. cause that is like really expensive kinda. and I do not like eating all that much right now. My appetite through the month can change so much and right now I really don't like eating but at other points I have really intense cravings.
I'm kinda on the cut with no muscle soo it's just making me really skinny. I love it but I don't know if I'll love being this slime for a really long time if I don't keep up with building muscle. but I'm just giving it more time to either gain lean mass or get more defined from loosing body fat.
It is crazy how twinkish my body got once I started weight lifting. everyone thinks weight lifting is only something that builds but it's taken off so much weight for me. all that stupid cardio did not take off much of me. my body is far more expressive now and even more feminine dare I say. Like from the crop top image I have a slimmer figure now and I just look so awesome sauce. b
Overall :P
