I Can't Fucking Do This Anymore

Why did I give my heart to someone that could not spare the time to me. It's not much to talk to me. It's not really much at all. I want it from you. please, just give me attention. 

 

I want to dedicate everything to you. please just use me. but you are too fucking stupid to notice. or you just fucking hate me enough to not just tell me to go away. I won't be surprised that you don't like me. I won't hate you, I would never wish a girl I love to live with the burden I am. 

 

I'm so weak for you. but maybe you'll be the one to teach me I need a backbone. God I fucking hate you so much. I misplaced my emotions so much. so built up, and pent up stupid small talk its the only emotion left. all burned through, Flipping between hatred and obsession. maybe you read this and actually block me or tell me to fuck off. please do. I need this closure. please, please stop me. 

 

you are the only thing in my mind. not a thought of lust. but a mind where you treat me as I treat you. just please, I know you are so far from my reach. the least valuable man you speak to. PLEASE JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME FOR FUCKS SAKE IT'S OVER I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE. I'm just doing it myself. muting everything... I can't block you... the obsession keeps me from that. I really don't want to lose you.

 

I love you so much. so sweet, so pretty. so very pretty. never have I felt it but I know your hair is so soft. you are all I think of. I love talking to you. I don't care if you don't fucking care about me. just you pretending has left me like this.

 

I wish I could date guys again I wish I was flattered by shallow lust.

 

I wish I really was. but instead I'm stuck obsessed with a girl that does not care about me. I really don't want to care about her. but my brain says otherwise. I know I never pass your mind. and if I do and you do think about me and you read my blogs. just fucking block me. I fucking hate you. for all the time you've ignored me. I had only dreamed of you treating me better. why would I settle for you. not sparing me a glance nor a simple fucking text. fuck you.

 

I love you I miss you. please message me please. I'm sorry please. I just want to cry in your lap lple please please im sorry. I miss you so much. please 

 

I deleted our messages and silenced her notifications. 6 fucking months. some spent not even messaging. it's clear to me. you don't care about me. god I hate you so much. Making me reconsider talking to new people. considering every girl I talk to does the same fucking thing.

I never wanted to hate you. Just ignore me please. I never wanted to lose you like this. in an incident of my own emotion. I dislike it as much as you do I would Imagine. Something made me into this.

 

This is the worst episode I've had in months. maybe with a level head I could only hope you'd accept an apology