Emotional month. But aren't they all?
The end of this month has been haunted. It's something that only happened yesterday but it feels to be the conclusion of my emotions this month. that night I had a dream where I had finally seen my old girlfriend. helping her with something completely disappointing her in someway. she had disregarded me and shooed me away. everything thing blurred dark it was so intense that it simply woke me. earlier than I ever wake up.
There I lie awake considering going back to sleep. but then I remember her online alias and file through old inactive pages till I reach an active profile of hers. it's dark and I stare at the Direct message icon. and really think, does she know? would I burden her with my unresolved loss of her from my life years ago? though plain text I knew every message would have had the aura of pity over all of them.
Nowhere relations
It seemed those who I talked to simply answered me. the one girl that I thought really tolerated me did not say anything more after I had begun to miss good morning texts. the same with another, but with her it's different. I had been writing about her since last year at this point. It's only made me feel of a burden to others I try and talk to. what is wrong with me.
It's just something that makes me intolerable and weird? something that's making it so hard to find another that finds life with me better than just leaving me aside as something just to answer and not to ask and understand. It's not an ounce of anger I feel. just something that makes me think of the one girl that understood me. something that makes me search for her. yet hesitate to talk to her once again. cause I know she would only have replies for me.
