I really wish a girl would fix me. but looking for her has made so many more problems that, I don't think it can undo what I am right now. I have been looking for years and had been at my lowest for 3 months putting everything out there, mistreated and ignored. It's how it felt to me, and my self worth reflected that.
I'm starting to realize my ADHD is more likely to be mostly autism, and dating made me realize that. being something that's entirely based on social cues. I just did not know what I was doing, I had admitted that at many points but I was still persistent. girls just don't communicate, that's it. I mean given manipulative men that have every right to not be clear on all of their motives. but then that just leaves me worried about every little thing they say, Knowing I'm one text away from being ghosted. I never knew what I'm doing and never understood why every girl I've talked to ignored me after a while.
another thing would be, wanting to date girls my own age. is impossible for me. A girl I know showed me her crush and he was just like me but 10 years older than me. it's what I see all the time. girls my age just don't see me as mature I guess. I just would not be
comfortable with dating a girl younger than me. given those girls would
only be freshly 18. it just does not sit right with me. I really wanted girls my age, they are so pretty...
At the moment, I'm doing alot to improve my looks. It's shallow I know. Doing that before I improve myself mentally. and I do have a deserving fate, in which I know girls will only date me cause of my improved looks. I had been out there for years, just with one thing wrong apparently. just my looks. I had still been a very obedient, nice, patient person. just with one important difference. I didn't look like a f@ggot. or whatever was wrong with me before.
That's all I'll really think about, that my looks did not makeup with my inept personality, that someone will only tolerate me cause I look the right way now.
I don't hate women, I never wanted to. I just have issues, I was made wrong. with my recently developed personality issues, narcissism, and self worth issues due to dating. These are issues I have to work on myself. I'd be a burden to any woman, a burden I would not wish on any woman I truly love. I don't know when I'll be ready, I don't think I ever will be ready.
