She could only guess I sound "girly" when I'm texting, all a friend could tell me. watching out for my feelings of course but it still hurt enough for me to think of it now. I really am just too girly I guess, and this is what I deserve for what I am. just a stupid sissy that wants emotional reassurance, such a foolish thought. such a foolish parasitic like thought, one that puts an intense round heat around my heart, to feel the pressure behind my eyes and a sulking feeling in my stomach to realize I must again, hold it in.
To maybe hold it off until my pillows are the only witness, to where I fold and melt. heaving and sobbing holding all around me so tight, blankets over and Plushies so close yet I only warm the bed, so share warmth. Is something far more intimate I could think of, far more than I could write or draw. Something So warm, a throbbing heart running blood through something so beautiful. heating up so much to where her musk drowns my nose, so close to know her essence in every way. perhaps touching at the knees or the elbows to be so close in bed, where the heat is so far more present. oh so soft, I could not remember to describe it. I wish my memory indulged in such a feeling, enough for me to still remember.
There's such a hunger in my heart, I can't do it. Putting an ounce of thought into it, the pressure in my chest. I get so weak, a thirst that could only be quenched by a drop.
